Change on the Rise…

The title to my favorite Avi Kaplan song depicts recovery for me. It’s the song I turn to when I feel my heart has died and gone cold.

Dr Silkworth said something along the lines of … A complete psychic change is required if someone is to recover from active addiction to alcohol.

When I was trained in how to recover, I did the 12 steps. Change was inevitable, based on the nature of the program of recovery outlined in the literature. Yet, when I talk in a meeting about working the program today, the group gets uncomfortably silent.

I am not now, nor have I ever been ashamed of my recovery from active addiction to alcohol and other drugs. I’m not proud of the work I had to do, I am grateful for the program that has saved my soul.

“What good’s a man who has lost his soul?” Avi Kaplan, Change on the Rise.

I sold my soul to the bottle. Reclaiming my existance, my life, my world, and especially my soul, I had to admit that I’m powerless over addiction that my life is unmanageable. I had to find something to fill that hole in my being… That’s where a power greater than human power, greater than the drugs, greater than the disease of addiction had to come into play.

I had to trust that Higher Power, and I had to take a look at exactly who I am, and what I did to myself and others. I had to rip the bandaide off the fetid wounds of my life. I had to scrape the character defects like diseased flesh off of a rotting wound.

I needed a Higher Power’s help. Through the rest of the steps, the only treatment, the only medicine that healed me, I got to work.

I’m not perfect, and I will never be. Practice doesn’t make perfect, it just makes better. However, don’t need to pick up today to solve my problems. My first wrong action today is not the one where I choose to pick up.

I no longer listen to the lies my brain tries to tell me about life, and the way it should be run.

I will always be an addict. To quote another member, “You can’t turn a pickle into a cucumber.” However, I can and do live recovery.

Huge hugs all, take care. Will be back again soon with other weird subjects. -L


Over the past few days, anonymity has come up…

I’ve been writing about recovery for many years now. I had been thinking about monetizing my site, getting a domain name and working on the background of the site quite a bit more.

Yet, part of this blog deals with recovery. I asked 2 trusted friends about it, and I got 2 totally different answers. The first one said, “No problem, monetize the site.” I thought about it. The 2nd person said, “Let me think about it, but in the meantime, call GSO or NAWS.”

Crap. However, my friend was right. Recovery is the reason I am alive today. So, being a good little addict, I delayed. Procrastination is one of my character defects, which you may well know. So, the next day, I talked to the 2nd friend again.

He asked me more questions, many many more questions. What would it entail, and things like that. I did mention that I’d have to advertise my blog on social platforms and etc.. That was the game changer. The ‘attraction not promotion’ clause went into effect.

My friend is right. I would have to purge this blog of everything that has to do with recovery. Every post would have to be edited to pull the recovery from the site. If I left it as is, I’d have to edit out my name from the site as well.

So, this site will remain as-is. I could get a domain name for the blog, but not monetize it in any form of personal profit. So, what’s my choice? I will keep doing what I’m doing. Like my friend said, “You eat and breathe recovery, to pull that from your blog would pull you from the blog.”

As for the Anonymity clause, I am well aware that my image is used here, that it is tied to my name. I may yet pull that from the blog. That means firing up the mighty laptop, and digging through everything again. However, anonymity in the spirit of the traditions, that I am a member of 3 12 step fellowships, but that I am a private individual is important.

Hugs all, you may have already seen some of the changes here as it is. -L

The lists

A few years ago, I ran into bullet journaling, which was an excellent addition to my daily practice. However, once I moved away in the most part of being secretary for the ASC, I dropped the bujo world.

That didn’t stop my need for lists, and it definitely didn’t stop my journaling habits. However, life is too short for me to spend an hour of it a day in actively planning down and tracking everything I will ever do ever again FFS.

Instead, I have a thing where I have recipe cards on the side, with the type of things I track, the type of reminders I need etc… I figure, screw it. The world will not end if I am not being anal retentive about every niggling detail. It’s worked up until now.

However, this morning, I’m tempted sorely to delve back into the bujo world. The whole medical/camping/knitting/sewing crap. Mostly they are distractions for me, but… my DR needs pertinent information from me on my life. Sighs.

So it’s back to the FFS life. Wasting a dratted hour a day charting things that are meaningless to me, but to my Doctors, it might save my life.

That’s about all for today. Hugs, -L

Key Limes

Morning all, I want to tell you about my favorite somewhat natural drink.

You will need:

  • 2 or 3 key limes -or-
  • 1 lemon -or-
  • 1/2 grapefruit or other citrus fruits

Slice the citrus into as small and thin of a slice as you can safely do. Leave the peels on. Place in a 1 liter jug with the sweetener of your choice, and top off with water and or ice.


I prefer the recipe first version of writing. You don’t need to know that I really love citrus, and this is my year round go to. You don’t need to know that I reuse the limes twice… putting the soaked limes in a smoothy the next day or that I like saving the peels for tea later in the year.

All that is needed is a simple, slice limes, put in glass and enjoy.

Hugs, -L

Duke says Good Morning

Morning all.

Duke and I are having our morning coffee and snack time. He wants special treats, but you know…. himself is a little chunk. We aren’t spoiling him ever at all.

Spent yesterday focusing on things I need to research and things I have to work on. A friend found me a good replacement for my tent. Other suggestions came in for a solar charger for extended camping stays.

All in all it was a good day.

Meanwhile, I better get back to work. I want to get some mischief and mayhem accomplished today.