Month: February 2023

The secret hideout

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Morning all, hope you are well. Still having one of those dramatic pain day things, so here is a post from the drafts pile.

Before social distancing was a thing, I had a hideout I would go to. It was safe, quiet, and comforting. I’m not sure how old I was when I first entered the hideout. I do know I was mesmerized back then. I’d never seen a place like it before.

I found weird magic there, and could relax without worrying. I was happy, for the first time in forever. I learned that the more I went to the hiding space, the less was expected of me by others. I learned that I could hide, comfortable, quietly and safely.

It didn’t matter there what was going on at home. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t do things others could do. I didn’t get overstimulated, or have panic attacks there. I saw others, but we treated each other with dignity and respect.

I could just be, while I was there. I could get lost from the pain and reality of the day to day. I found so much there, and wished and even dreamed during the worst of the lockdown that I could go back. I couldn’t though. Being immune compromized, I was stuck. I had no choice but to be here in the house 24/7.

Then social media, being the cruel monster it is, noticed that I had certain interests. Lately, they have been showing posts of hideaways like my secret place. They have been even taunting me with it. I’ve been getting more lost in my life, lately. I want to go back.

I’m thinking, that it is time. Just one of these errand days, to sneak over there. I want to see the changes that they have made. I want to know what is happening, and how the folks there are. I want to go back to my safe secret place again.

I wonder, if my library card is still active. Hmm, looks like I’m going to check it out. -L

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Pain day

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Gentle hugs my friends. I apologize, it is a pain day from hell with a fibro flare taking over. Here are some pictures from the week.

Momma, I want attention.
Yep, that is the front door.
I swear there is a patio table there.
There may be a minivan in this pic.
Football?
A riding mower is there, I think.
I am posing Momma.
Yep, I use this during zoom meetings.

Another day trying to get by.

Hugs my friends. -L

A few things too many

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Morning, gentle hugs. Working on getting rid of crap that has made its merry way to my household. How are you doing today? Well, Young Master Duke wants treatos. My Beloved is a few threads short of a shirt, and I’m over the edge right now.

I want winter to end. Here’s why. I’ve got too much crap to purge, and it is hell to get the dumpster to the curb. What do I mean by crap?

Stained, chipped, ripped, or otherwise damaged crap that just needs to go to the dump. This isn’t stuff that needs to go to the goodwill or thrift store. It’s crap. I want it all just gone. I’m frustrated, and very angry about it, and it is causing more stress than solving.

Much of it, I bought new, and it was lovely stuff at one time or another. However, here’s a hint. Thrift stores end up having to toss so much crap, that it is cruel to drop this stuff in their bins. Take sweaters with sweat stains and holes in them. Nobody wants those. They are best either cut up for rags or dumped.

Chipped crochery, plates, and other things just need to go. I’m sick of reaching for a plate and getting cut up trying to deal with it. Medical things are not to be reused. Old decorations that reek of cigarette smoke, and stuff that is too dented or damaged to be used again.

It’s gotta go. It all has to just get out. So, the closer we get to true Spring, where all the white crap melts, yes, the crap is going to be gone. No more of the throw a bag of it in the bin crap. I want to go to the dump with van loads of it.

My husbeast won’t like that idea, because of the cost, but I’m so sick of living the way I do.

Note: Yes, I’ve stopped dumpster diving. Also, I’ve stopped bringing crap into the house. The crap that is there, needs to just go!

I was raised by hoarders. Fighting those tendencies has been a life-long thing. I don’t want to leave my daughters a trash heap. I want them to have a couple of things, but the rest… it can go.

Take care my friends. I will keep you updated. -L

Snow, shower, and coffee

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Morning all, we are still under blizzard conditions. What’s fallen is heading in odd directions as it is light enough to just move. It’s like living in a river of snow going sideways. Once in awhile you will get a drift in a bad spot.

Grabbed an energy drink on the way to the necessary. I figured it was kinder to try to wake up before I spoke to others. I also grabbed my smokes. I stopped long enough to let Young Master Duke out, and the went to the needful. Sitting for the first half hour of the day, the energy drink jumpstarted my brain enough.

I was able to jump in the shower before too long, and the hot water made it so that I could at least move some of those joints that are especially rusty. I don’t have Dorothy and her little dog to come by and grab an oil can to work on my rusty joints. I have to rely on a shower.

Next on the list was rolling the day’s smokes, assimilating enough coffee to be coherent, and then calling my cellular peoples. It took two calls to fix an oopsie daisy. The first, to the billing department, and admitting I’d made a right mess of my account. Somehow I ended up with a loyalty credit. The next call was to tech support to do some moving around of things.

The new laptop activated on a new phone line instead of being the upgrade to the old line. Billing gets the first call because I knew I had to admit and confess my sins. Tech support, the angels that they are did the grunt work.

Now for the snow. My beloved Shuggie lump made a path through the multiple feet deep drifts last night.

He’s not supposed to be doing that!

I’m a gonna need to swat his tail, once he recovers from this in a few days. Sighs.

I better go, I have to continue with my morning. Gentle hugs all. Take care. -L

To be a geezer, or not to be

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Morning all, hope you are well. We are still under a snow drift, but are trying to just maintain. Actually, it is a normal day. We aren’t leaving the house yet, and Young Master Duke is being a goodest of boys. Though that might be a problem. He sinks in the snow up to his personal equipment when it is time to do the needful.

Poor baby.

Have been busy lately. Back in 22 I started tormenting folks on a personal level daily. It’s a horrible thing to do, I know. I use messenger on a popular social media platform, and send many messages every day. I have roughly 30 folks I bug this way. I keep that list small, because I don’t want to be overwhelmed. Thing is, pain levels being what they are, and depression being an evil rat bastard, I did this in self-defense. I didn’t want to swallow a 9mm pill so to speak, so I started checking in with folks.

One of those I check in with regularly has many moons more clean time than I do. They are very knowledgeable about recovery, and I enjoy picking their brain with their permission. However, I have noticed that they have been less comfortable lately, so I poked the bear. I asked them if they were a geezer. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/geezer is the reference I used. I believe I stated that since I am an old bag, are they a geezer?

It prompted a conversation. I’m not certain if I helped in cheering my friend. I hope so. Meanwhile, I have work to do. I better get to it. By the way, if I were a genetic male, I would qualify for the term geezer. Take care my friends, huge hugs and huggage. -L