Month: October 2022

Yawn, stretch.

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Morning, have popped my neck, and have done the morning stretch. I’d love to have a chiropractor move in and just take over my ligaments and joints. Oh well.

Have been behaving. My Husband, I learned, was doing the crawl in bed to drive me out of my gourd on purpose. Sighs. Seriously. Serious.y my Dude… Yep. I’m down to one headset that works. When I charge it, I have to use the speakers that are naturally inherant on the devices.

Welp, he don’t like that. So, knowing me, that I would shut things off or move. He was just crawling into bed. There’s a reason my hobbies involves stabbing things with needles repeatedly.

So, that’s where we are at. I can’t move into the garage, because there isn’t enough room or heat. He is going out of his way to drive me out of my tree. I’m determined to not let him do so. That said, I am tired.

That’s about it. I’m going to crawl back to bed, after I stab some fabric for about an hour. Take care my friends. -L

There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.

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Morning all, hope you are well. My beloved made a goulash for his dinner, I have a lovely vegetarian soup. Young Master Duke is outside, barking his head off.

Today’s plan is to bake some beans for myself. I have a pressure cooker, and look forward to cooking. Since I redid the kitchen, I look forward more and more to my kitchen time.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon stitching while I made the soup. My beloved slept all day, and was surly when he got up. Here is what is going on.

His doctors have cut him off from pain medication in any form. Note: I approached one of his doctors over 15 years ago about his heavy pain medication use. I was ignored. I have no doubts that he is in pain. However, he takes his pain out on me.

By the way, my letting his doctor know about the pain med use years ago? Got me banned from going to dr visits with my husband, by the doctor himself. I guess the Dr’s kickback from big pharma was more important than my husband going through withdrawel back then.

Now, we pay the piper. I get it. Believe me, I get it. I live with chronic pain every day. I have medical problems. I get it. My husband is 68 years old now. I had to hide my personal carry and lock it up because I’m worried about him using it innapropriately.

Nothing else I can do. I’m still under the ban from going along on Dr visits. Recovery can never be forced on anyone. And to add insult to injury, it’s taken out on me.

To those who would suggest that I leave. My question is. Go where? My next move is likely to the nursing home. Young Master Duke would have to be put down. I’d likely be put in the same nursing home as my beloved at the same time. I’d probably even be put in the same room.

What solution would that be? There isn’t one. Add to that that the costs of long term care is so astronomical, that we could not afford it.

There is no good solution to this issue, to this problem. I’m a drug addict in recovery living every day with an addict who is withdrawing from pain medication. The irony is not lost on me.

Normally, I won’t talk on the blog about my husband’s addiction. However, the truth is. I’ve lived with this for so long that it is old hat. The reason I lived on the farm with Dad was because of my husband’s disease. The reason I moved to another town for a few months? His alcoholism had reared its head.

I watched as a cop reached for their gun because my husband had destroyed the house yet again. Yet recovery can never be forced on a person. I know for a fact that years ago my husband left recovery because I had it. I had over a decade of sobriety at that time.

The funny part? He’d been going to meetings longer than I had. He would have had…. yada yada. I know. The woulda coulda shoulda’s destroy serenity.

Every day sober, for me, is paid for dearly. I get to watch someone I do love and care for slowly waste away from the disease of addiction. This year, I waited to get my medallion and keytag. Wednesday night, I will sit in the garage and get it via zoom.

This is one of those realities. It’s life. It isn’t pleasant. -L

P.S. There are posts coming up that explain the kitchen rearrangement thing. Sorry.

The embroidery thing

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Morning all, hope you are well. Young Master Duke is in the garage, and I am about to head there myself.

2 years ago, I was gifted an embroidery kit. I didn’t embroider, but set it amongst the stash. Welp, that gift is biting me in the tail today.

I set aside a little time in the afternoon to work on stitchery. The proceedure is simple. I boil water and have a cuppa tea while I work. It could be any fiber art. Knitting is not my first love. I can’t believe I typed that, but it is true.

Over time, I have made shawls, afghans, bags, clothes and many other items. Yet this stupid embroidery thing is catching me and whacking me upside the head.

I’ve learned that I hate using hoops or stands with a passion. I treat it like any other hand sewing project. It is small, and I can take it anywhere without bulky skeins around me. Most kits come with everything I need to do the project.

So, it is time to dig through the crap in a large box in the stash. I don’t want to do so, but it is time. The purge is ongoing, and before I spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on a newer obsession. I need to take an inventory of what I have in stock.

So, that’s the goal today. After, of course, I work on the current project. You see, my beloved is in bed again. Chuckle. Take care my friends. Stay naughty. -L

The kitchen, and a few upgrades.

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I’m thinking of offering a solution to my beloved. Good morning. Hope you and yours are well today. Young Master Duke is at my side, having gone out to sing the song of his people.

We of course are in the kitchen, and I have some work to do again today. My beloved is of course, asleep. This morning, I spent thinking about the situation again. Just a second, Young Master Duke wants to go outside. — Sorry about that. He was being very polite.

Back to the situation, every day he sits in the dining room/kitchen area. He has a couple of tables he works on. His things are set up simply, and he watches his shows either on a tablet or his phone. This is a twin to my setup, with the exception that my table is a 1970’s metal behemoth of a desk.

Obsessing about the situation is not healthy for me. Using my brain to focus on what he is doing, what is going on, and then potentially insisting on change will only do one thing. It will make the both of us very unhappy.

He has the symptoms of autism. He has not been diagnosed. However, having been with him for over 20 years.. I know him a little better than most. Change freaks him the f’ out. So, even though I have fantasies of switching our desk areas around, and even though I could convince someone it would be the goodest idea, the BEST! I won’t do anything.

So, the first upgrade, is my attitude. I’m not going to change anything about our living situation, except my attitude. I won’t suggest a thing, except maybe asking him to let me know when he is going to lay down. That way I am not startled senseless.

Okay, maybe he isn’t the only one who hates sudden changes.

However, there is room for more improvement here. Not just my attitude. I grabbed a backpack I own this morning after waking up. I stuffed the most needful things in the dratted thing. After he wakes up, I will head back into the office/dungeon.

Once there, I will further adapt what I do. I have some simple needs that I want to have with me as I work. I will throw them into a rolly bag, and have them ready for when my beloved wants to lay down.

The only thing I can’t do, is change the chair. The chair I use in the kitchen is painful to sit at. My office chair doesn’t fit. Our kitchen is microscopically small with the add-ons we have, so it won’t work. Those addons are what prevent me from using the wheelchair in the kitchen as well.

Believe me, as uncomfortable as my wheelchair is, this chair takes the cake for being awful.

Yet, my Husband is more important to me than things. He’s much more important to me than keeping entertained for a few hours. So, I will just chill out. By the way, I better let you go. I have to grab my meds, (those were the first thing I moved into the kitchen.)

Take care my friends. Hugs, gentle distance ones. -L

Mini oranges, and the cold weather is back

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Hello all, good morning. I hope you are all well. Young Master Duke and my beloved have been conspiring against me again. Sighs. It is what it is.

Soon enough those demonic little black bugs from the bowels of the devils rear end will die a horrible death. Those and the lady bug looking beetles have invaded as the harvest are invading town. A person can’t go outside without being attacked.

I hate the demonic little pests. I really do. They are the main thing that makes the fall time of year a misery for me. Otherwise, this is my favorite time of year, and I am generally happy.

With the last grocery order, I asked for mini oranges. Tiny little oranges that are sweet enough to almost make a body’s teeth hurt. Yummy citrus, sticky on the hands and the keyboard. Heck they are the perfect snack.

The cold weather being back works though. I’m enjoying the return of the sitching hour, and I can sit in the recliner and stitch while listening to podcasts.

My podcast listening runs a weird cycle. This time of year, it’s the spooky stuff and the solving of murders. Other times, it’s things like archaeology and science. It gets a little complicated.

That said, I suppose I better get back to work. The dishwasher needs running, and my beloved is on chores strike again. Sighs.

Take care my friends, this is a short check in today. Hugs. -L