A bit of pain


Morning all, Hope you are well. It’s been… life lately.

I have 3 elderly relatives in the generation above mine left. 2 of them have been hospitalized, one on this most recent Friday, and the other just before Christmas.

Both are in excellent hands. I’ve been… this is Way above my paygrade to deal, you know? I’ve been Very low contact with most of that side of my family for a reason. Okay, I talk to two of my brothers, that’s about it. I torment one of my nephew babies. It doesn’t matter that that particular nephew baby, (my personal favorite) is taller than me and married, he is my nephew baby.

It’s been a hard, very painful week. A sucky, hard, painful week. I apologize for being.. distracted. This type of crap isn’t blog worthy, or post worthy really, it”s more of an off my chest thing.

Yes, it is possible to love people you are low to no contact with. It’s easier to love them without the pain and ick of ongoing abuse. When they suffer, it”s hard. It is even harder to not reach out to them, to give them a hug, and to let them know you care. I can’t travel far. I won’t be making the trip to do the touching hospital scene. Heck, my smoker’s cough would have the hospital stop me at the door. It’s the way the world wags.

Thank You, my readers, for being awesome, kind, and very sweet over the years. I love you. Distance hugs. -L

Repost, the only Big Book some will ever see


Thank You for understanding. Will be back soon with normal blog mayhem.

I confess that I pull these topics off the top of my head most days. Sometimes, I am able to tie them to other topics I have shared on, usually, it is just random thoughts. This is another one of those random thoughts.
I heard, when I first came to AA that I needed to behave as I could be truly the only Big Book that someone would ever see. I’m still confused by this, especially since most people do not know that I am an alcoholic, let alone in recovery. Yes, close family and friends know, as does my medical team. Yet the broad public does not know and does not need to know.
So breaking down this phrase a little bit more, I take it as if I am supposed to behave as if God is my new Employer. I am to behave as if God is my director. I am to be helpful to others if I am able, and to pray for those that I am not able to help.
If I am requested, on those rare occasions that it happens, to help another alcoholic outside of the rooms, I am to give the information and to share my experience strength and hope with others, especially alcoholics.
I try, when working with strangers, to keep my alcoholism off the topic list, and yet to act with the best manners I can. This is a huge change from years ago. I was an entitled brat. The world owed me, or so I thought, and I was to be catered to.
Ironically, as the daughter of a hard-working man and woman, I was owed nothing. I had contributed nothing to society, and yet…
By working the steps, especially step 3, and changing my will and life, I don’t believe that anymore.
Today, I am just grateful to be alive.
That’s all I have for now, may God be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit. -L

End of year inventory repost


Hello all, my apologies, but this is a repost of last year’s EOY inventory. There’s a family member in the hospital, and I am having a heck of a time focusing to write at this time.

Hugs, -L

Hello all, good morning. It’s time for the end of year inventory. What do I mean by that? WTH? Chuckle. Yes, I do a weird end of year inventory thing. Something that helps me to learn more about who I am and why I do what I do.

This isn’t exactly recovery related, I have tied it into my step work in the past, but in this case, I use it to put the year to bed. By going back in my journal, I look at what I have learned. I also look at what didn’t work, what worked, and also my mental and physical health.

This year’s inventory… I go back month by month. I re-read my journal, and see what the major events of the year were. I look at how I handled those events.

Some, I did really well, and wouldn’t change a thing that I did. Others, I screwed up royally. I ask myself if I still owe amends in those cases. I also look at what I could have done instead.

This involves an overhaul, I suppose. But then again, that’s okay. I want to be a better person the next year. Since I live one day at a time, I don’t do resolutions. However, I do work on trying something different.

Looking over my life, I actually wish I had done more inventories over the years. I regret not doing the footwork then, the way I do now. I’m not perfect, and am far from it. However, over the last few days of this year, I’m working on my own inventory.

Huge hugs all, take care. -L

I poked the Bear, and I wasn’t even trying


Morning all, hope you are well. It is about a zillion below zero right now, and Young Master Duke is curled up under 2 blankets on the bed.

I woke at a reasonable hour this morning. I found the coffee maker, and sat at the desk for a few. I was mindful of my husband’s rest, and snuck into the kitchen per his request to smoke.

I lasted 2 hours, 2 cuppas, and a phone call. Then the Polar Bear rose from his den. He snarled, growled, and slammed around a bit. Sighs. I ended my call and gathered my toys to head back to my room to play.

The Bear is still snarling. it’s been half an hour. I’m sitting here, wondering if I breach the Rubicon to grab a cuppa, will the bear stand up and roar at me. Sighs.

I know better than to poke the bear when he is a snarly beast. Of course, he knows better than to bug me in the first hour or two of being awake. It’s a thing we do.

Speaking of poking the bear, I was in a chat and reminded an old buddy that it is not justifiable to throw his bride in a snow bank if she used the last of his favorite creamer. I reminded him that he looks like sheet in orange. I also reminded him that I don’t like him at all when he is single.

Winter is rough on all of us, please be gentle and kind to each other my friends. I better go grab my cuppa, cause I don’t want the bear to drink it all. Take care my friends. Hugs, -L