February 28th, 2022


Morning all, it’s another pain medication is being lazy day, and I’m going to be laying down in a few with a book or something.

I just wanted to check in. Tim, Duke and I are doing okay. We are heading out tomorrow morning, and we all will be home, God willing tomorrow night.

We’re terrified. Yes, it’s a simple stint going in. Yes, it’s a same day surgery. I get that. It’s the repercussions beyond tomorrow that are terrifying. Yet, the more I focus on that, the worse it seems. I know.

So, today, I’m going to settle in with a book. This afternoon, I get to change the sensor on the snitch, and I’m going to be just doing one thing at a time today.

Take care my friends. God Bless. -L

How do you…


Yesterday was my Husband’s Birthday. And a few days back, I asked him if he wanted pizza or take out for his Birthday. He didn’t know.

It’s rough bringing up celebrating milestones for a man who has a potential death sentence hanging above him. I mean, what do you do? What do you say? How do you act?

It’s as if half the time we live like we are on death row. We are isolated, never seeing anyone except on a screen, and our home is a prison of sorts. We can’t leave, we can’t do anything of value. Our warden is his heart. His heart dictates what we do, what we say, and we tap dance barefoot on pins and needles.

Yet there are sweet moments as well. He lets me snuggle sometimes, and we write to each other. Letting each other know what’s going on. Maybe thos messages will be the only ones I have left in a few weeks. We just don’t know.

Then there are the days when everything ‘seems’ normal. We do our best just to get through the day. He sits at his table, and watches a video, and I sit at my desk, knitting.

He asked me to make him some nana bread again. He knows how nauseating those things make me, but he is worth it. I might have to put a mask on with some peppermint oil sprinkled on it to get through it, but it’s worth it, just to help him find one small comfort during the day.

Hugs all, hope your day is a good one. May God be with you. -L

Waiting


Morning all, I’m waiting for office 365 to download again. Sighs, I didn’t think I wanted it beyond being secretary for that one organization. Yet, for writing beyond the blog, I use word. I’d deleted the subscription when I left the secretary position behind.

Now that I am not having to make flyers for this on the fly, and not having to search records for that, I’m thinking I will enjoy it more. I’m watching that red and green icon at the bottom of my screen slowly move to the right. It’s a good thing that I have a Lindybeige video going on the tablet to keep me entertained.

Who or what is Lindybeige? He’s an archaeologist from Britain. He has almost 1.2 million subscribers on youtube. He waffles on about this or that topic from history, and right now, I’m listening to him talk about Napoleon. Okay, I’m really entertained by the dead. It’s a more blunt way of saying I am a history nerd. He’s much more entertaining than anyone but my 8th grade history teacher.

Hope you have a lovely day. My plans are to get some work done, rework some of my files, and to stitch awhile. Take care, please. Huge hugs. –L

I’m flat out


Morning all, it’s almost 7 in the morning, and I have run completely out of canned posts. Yes, this is a canned post. I will be spending most of the day writing, so I can have work ready ahead of time. I apologize, for running behind.

Here’s where I am at. I draw for a bit every day. Doesn’t matter what I draw, as long as it is something. It could be a fantasy, it could be a still life, it could be something edible… Doesn’t matter what it is, if it’s somewhere bouncing through my skull, it goes on the paper.

I also stitch a bit everyday. Even if it is just for a few stitches, I stitch a bit. Still working on the Pi Shawl. I will probably be working on that Beastie for another year. My hands can only do so much.

Then comes the writing. I’m still writing every day. Even if it is a paragraph in my journal, I still write. One mega post coming up is the 25th edition of the step study I made for recovery. I found it in my laptop, and figure it would be best served here.

Lastly, I still am here for the Hubsy, the pooch, and myself. I admit, all of the above is what I do for my own selfish ends. It’s what I do to refill my soul so I can be there for my Hubble unit.

Then there are days like yesterday. I crawled into bed, and just crashed. I watched videos, and snored in between. I had to get up because the snitch told me that my diabetes was going ballistic again, but otherwise I was okay. The only other recharge thing I did was one late night sketch.

I have learned the feral joy of saying no. Saying, “I am at my limit” with one word. Continuing the conversation, is pointless. “NO” is a complete mood, and a complete life for me now. There’s nothing left to give. No just no f’s to give, there just is nothing to give anymore.

On the days when I am flat out, I have to just shut down. I have to do a complete self-care day. I curl up, and take it easy. If I don’t, when there are no spoons left, I’m sunk.

I don’t like being sunk.

Hugs my friend, please take care of you. Look for that step study post soon. –L