A little

Morning all, hope you are well. I hear snorting in the background. Someone fuzzy is laying on the carpet and raising a ruckus. We woke up before the alarm, and have taken care of the necessary.

I put curtains up a couple of days ago, and what a change it makes. I no longer feel like an animal in a zoo for everyone’s amusement. I feel sheltered, and at home. That’s something that no-one can take from me.

The main goal for being in my own office was to give privacy back to myself. A little gift so to speak. Yes, to give my husband space and quiet while I click away is a nice thought and gesture. The good news is that I have it. I can work on anything, have time and space to myself, and work on the needful without most interruptions.

In this case, a little goes a long way. That magical feeling of being alone, has been the biggest craving of all. Yes, being in a family unit of 2 is important. However, that sacred space between us needs to have room for individuality. I love my husband, but space away from him is a treasure to behold. Yes, the book says two shall become one, but there has to be room for 2 in the home.

In a little while, I’ll be heading to therapy again. I have a long standing appointment with a therapist to monitor my progress in fighting the depression, and managing my health overall. This is key to my on-going life. I realize that my parents never had the problems I face, and never had the situation I am in. My mother passed in 04. My Dad for the first time in his life is in a wheelchair in his late 80’s.

I’ve been in one since my early 40’s. They didn’t know that this is the body I have. Never lived through what I did. They didn’t fight to get clean in a world where there weren’t accepting groups. They didn’t have to change fellowships to find a spiritual home. They didn’t have to change religious beliefs to come to terms with who they are.

I did.

The important part, is to deal with the hand you are dealt. It’s the situation here, sit down a second, and do the math. Work the problem, and come up with a soluttion that works for the circumstances. Alternatively, change the circumstances to best fit who you are as a person.

It’s the little things, small steps that work. Gentle hugs my friends. I’ll see you in the monring. Love always, -L


A little weirded out

Morning all, hope you are well. Young Master Duke is outside barking at the wind. My husband is at the dining room table, and I’m happily in my office.

Just now I noticed something. I’m sitting at my desk, I can hear the sports team practicing on the field and the neighborhood kids playing. I can hear the wind outside. I’m alone. Yes, something that I’ve needed for years, and had forgotten. I’m alone.

Something that I don’t get unless my beloved is in the hospital or I am away from home, is a shut door and no other living beings around me. This is bliss. Knowing that no one is going to randomly bother me for any reason. Knowing that I can work or listen to the wind even without disruption… Wow.

I’m alone, with a keyboard, a screen, and my coffee. I’m happy. It’s weird, but I am okay with that.

Hugs my friends, take care. -L

Dragons, friends and books

Morning all, I am curled up in bed, and I have no clue where my laptop is let alone my keyboard or anything else really. Duke is curled up at my feet.

Last night was phase 3 of the office and garage swap. It was chaotic, and there is much more to do. I’m overwhelmed, and just not sure about this.

4 amazing folks stand out during this. R and T1 who are 90 percent of the brawn and 85 percent of the brains of this swap. T2, who showed up with a dragon stuffy at just the right time to cheer me back up. And T3, who is my real life emotional support dragon. T3 helps prevent meltdowns of various nature.

Meanwhile, it’s going to be chaotic with the swap through the weekend. Will have to post from my phone until further notice.

Thank you friends. You wings are true, the wind is gentle, and it is a good day to fly. -L

Wait, what?

Morning, am finally stepping down from the Merry-Go-Round for the morning. I’ve had a cup of coffee, I think. I’ve taken care of my body. I’ve been on the horn way too long.

I need a break. A simple, recharge the batteries break. So, today, I’m scheduling some time to stitch. That’s the one thing about chaos. I enjy coming up with solutions to problems, however, I don’t enjoy it 24/7/365. Maybe that’s a symptom of growth.

Last night, I went to a couple of meetings. I ended up accepting a temp service commitment. This morning, I have done my weekly conference call with my sibling, and have some study to do shortly.

The chaos, adding things to my schedule unexpectedly, happens. How I act or react to it, is on me. So, to recharge, I’m going to stitch. I’m going to the library tomorrow, and I”m going to donate to the local mission.

I feel better about things now. Writing, and reading also help recharge my batteries. Gentle hugs my friends. Take care. -L

Addicts like telling stories.

Morning, I just scrapped today’s post. I took forever to get to the point, and I was sick of it. The punchline to the post was this. I wore earrings for the first time in a few years again.

Here are the punchlines for today.

I’m tired.

I’m hurting.

I’m scared.

I’m lonely.

I’m whining.

I need a hug.

Take care my friends. -L