Morning all, hope you are well. I hear snorting in the background. Someone fuzzy is laying on the carpet and raising a ruckus. We woke up before the alarm, and have taken care of the necessary.
I put curtains up a couple of days ago, and what a change it makes. I no longer feel like an animal in a zoo for everyone’s amusement. I feel sheltered, and at home. That’s something that no-one can take from me.
The main goal for being in my own office was to give privacy back to myself. A little gift so to speak. Yes, to give my husband space and quiet while I click away is a nice thought and gesture. The good news is that I have it. I can work on anything, have time and space to myself, and work on the needful without most interruptions.
In this case, a little goes a long way. That magical feeling of being alone, has been the biggest craving of all. Yes, being in a family unit of 2 is important. However, that sacred space between us needs to have room for individuality. I love my husband, but space away from him is a treasure to behold. Yes, the book says two shall become one, but there has to be room for 2 in the home.
In a little while, I’ll be heading to therapy again. I have a long standing appointment with a therapist to monitor my progress in fighting the depression, and managing my health overall. This is key to my on-going life. I realize that my parents never had the problems I face, and never had the situation I am in. My mother passed in 04. My Dad for the first time in his life is in a wheelchair in his late 80’s.
I’ve been in one since my early 40’s. They didn’t know that this is the body I have. Never lived through what I did. They didn’t fight to get clean in a world where there weren’t accepting groups. They didn’t have to change fellowships to find a spiritual home. They didn’t have to change religious beliefs to come to terms with who they are.
The important part, is to deal with the hand you are dealt. It’s the situation here, sit down a second, and do the math. Work the problem, and come up with a soluttion that works for the circumstances. Alternatively, change the circumstances to best fit who you are as a person.
It’s the little things, small steps that work. Gentle hugs my friends. I’ll see you in the monring. Love always, -L
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