A bit of chaos

Palliative care are funny words. Back when I wore scrubs, it was called comfort and care. The patient in this case is my Dad. I guess Palliative Care means something to someone else who is above my pay grade.

The family is gathering. The grandkidlings have been in to see him. At least some of them. Great grand kids, I’m not sure of yet. I’m going today. Today being Wednesday the 17th.

Had a usiing dream this morning. Was wearing scrubs again, and sat out front using when I was supposed to be doing rounds. Instead of getting residents up, I was wasted. My heart is still thumping.

I’m taking a bit of a leave of absense from Social Media. I just said I’m going to be away from keyboard for awhile. I’m also taking a leave from my service position. I talked it through with my sponsor, and it is time to use my get out of jail free card.

I’ve got other things to focus on right now.

So, I will try to put posts up here to keep up my commitment to you. I just don’t know what’s going to happen yet. I have ‘away from keyboard’ messages set in place just in case I can’t make it some day. I’m sorry. -L


Rainy day

Morning all, hope your day is good. Duke and I are in the garage, he’s staring out the garage door because it’s been raining off and on all day. He’s happy to just sit and watch. I’m settling in for the moment.

Haven’t been sleeping well, so I took advantage of the rainy day and just napped off and on most of the day.

Yesterday my husband decided he didn’t like the plans and options we had for an outside shed. He also made a few other decisions that tripped the rage button in me. There’s nothing I can do about the situation. I can’t fix it, I can’t change it, and I won’t be able to do anything about it.

So, instead of yelling and screaming, I went out, got some supper, and came home. I gave him his meal and I went to bed after talking it through with my sponsor. It doesn’t matter what I think about the situation, or who was right or wrong. What’s important is that I didn’t escalate the situation. It’s not helpful, and it isn’t necessary.

I chose my husband. That’s just it. We both signed the marriage license.

Meanwhile, I’m going to curl up with an afghan and some knitterly goodness. Take care my friends. -L

A little

Morning all, hope you are well. I hear snorting in the background. Someone fuzzy is laying on the carpet and raising a ruckus. We woke up before the alarm, and have taken care of the necessary.

I put curtains up a couple of days ago, and what a change it makes. I no longer feel like an animal in a zoo for everyone’s amusement. I feel sheltered, and at home. That’s something that no-one can take from me.

The main goal for being in my own office was to give privacy back to myself. A little gift so to speak. Yes, to give my husband space and quiet while I click away is a nice thought and gesture. The good news is that I have it. I can work on anything, have time and space to myself, and work on the needful without most interruptions.

In this case, a little goes a long way. That magical feeling of being alone, has been the biggest craving of all. Yes, being in a family unit of 2 is important. However, that sacred space between us needs to have room for individuality. I love my husband, but space away from him is a treasure to behold. Yes, the book says two shall become one, but there has to be room for 2 in the home.

In a little while, I’ll be heading to therapy again. I have a long standing appointment with a therapist to monitor my progress in fighting the depression, and managing my health overall. This is key to my on-going life. I realize that my parents never had the problems I face, and never had the situation I am in. My mother passed in 04. My Dad for the first time in his life is in a wheelchair in his late 80’s.

I’ve been in one since my early 40’s. They didn’t know that this is the body I have. Never lived through what I did. They didn’t fight to get clean in a world where there weren’t accepting groups. They didn’t have to change fellowships to find a spiritual home. They didn’t have to change religious beliefs to come to terms with who they are.

I did.

The important part, is to deal with the hand you are dealt. It’s the situation here, sit down a second, and do the math. Work the problem, and come up with a soluttion that works for the circumstances. Alternatively, change the circumstances to best fit who you are as a person.

It’s the little things, small steps that work. Gentle hugs my friends. I’ll see you in the monring. Love always, -L

Good morning, a lovely Sunday

Morning all, hope your day today is the best.

It’s a lovely day here. Whether or not its hot or cold, or rainy or not doesn’t matter. It’s what’s inside the heart that is important. I’m still running a little high on the accomplishments of moving the office out of the house. My husband is organizing the living room and bedroom, and life is pretty good.

This morning I’m going to watch the Mass, and then spend the day with a book. Might stitch a few, or work on some step work. I’m going to spend quite a bit of it in the recliner I’m certain.

Take care my friends, Thank You for being a blessing in my life. -L

Irving Finkel and the electric blanket

Morning all, hope you are well. The wind is blasting through my area. It’s about 39 degrees out, I have the garage door wide open.

Duke is keeping an eye on the neighborhood. I have an Iriving Finkel speech going on the tablet. An electric throw blanket is keeping my legs surprisingly warm. This is a game changer.

I’ve sat out in the garage on below zero days before. Those were days when my Husband was having a meltdown, and he needed space. Okay, to be honest, so did I. However, this simple blanket keeping my legs warm will be a permanent asset to the office.

I make no secret that my recliner has been in the office for a very long time. The office, in this case is a garage. We aren’t going to get decent temperatures for quite awhile yet, and at night it will get in the 30’s for at least a week or two.

I use the recliner on the worst pain days, and on days when I need to sit and just read or stitch. I’m thinking that this throw will come in so damned handy.

What doesn’t change is the fact that I need heat in the winter, and cool in the summer in an uninsulated garage. I need to plan for that. Hopefully, I can get a kit for the big door, and the walls insulated to a point. This will aloow me year round access to my space.

There is more news though. I may have an electric wheelchair coming. It’s still in the living on a prayer stage. However, stores are a pain in the ass, pain is a witch. I really hope that this is an absolute, and a total thing, and not a wish.

Soon, I will update you on the diabetes and other medical. Right now, though, I need to hit the recliner and relax. Take care my friends. Gentle hugs. -L