Brains…


Hello all, sorry no update last night. I actually snuck out for a bit. My beloved was feeling well enough to be unsupervised, so I hit a couple of meetings.

I didn’t get home until after 10, and Young Master Duke desperately needed the necessary. I let him out, took care of my own business, and grabbed a sandwhich.

I hadn’t back to backed on meetings in quite awhile. I hit the first one in town, and then yeeted myself and wheelchair in an odd direction for the 2nd. I’m glad I got to get out.

I’m inspired to scrape through the literature again, and to delve deep into the recesses of my feeble little grey cells.

So, my brain is mush, I’m still awake, and need to feast on more input. Thought I’d drop you all a line before I dive back in.

Take care my friends, hugs. -L

Thinking


Morning all, it is closing in on 3 AM. I’m well. Young Master Duke is wanting to sing the song of his people, and my Husband is trying to rest.

I just file 13’d a blog post that I wrote a couple of hours ago. It’s not written in the voice I want to use, and not representing who I want to be. I’m trying to be a better person, and I realized that the snark was totally eclipsed by the petty vindictiveness.

Yes, I’m the queen of petty snark, best taken in smaller dosages. Yet, that level. Ugh.

So, I have to work harder to be better.

I’m working on getting out and about a bit more. We will see how it goes. I’m also thinking about doing much smaller grocery runs. Normally, I do two week orders with the groceries. However, hauling all of that in at one time is a major strain on my body. I’m knocked out for 6 hours minimum.

So, the solution is to break it up quite a bit. I’m going to subscribe to a plus program, which allows me to make much smaller orders. It also allows for free shipping. I’m going to be having much of the heavier things delivered.

I’m also going to work on the attitude. Instead of saying “Goodmorning God.” I’ve been saying, “Here we go again.”

Hugs my friends, please take care. -L

Who is in charge?


Morning all, have been on a roll lately, and chatted with an old buddy of mine. He’s a good kid, does damned fine work keeping out of the wheelchair. He’s also a friend of Bill W.

He reminded me about who is in charge of our decisions. I feel convicted here. I do my best, but there are times, that my best just isn’t good enough.

Without justifying, I took the 3rd step. However, I have been lagging on maintaining that relationship. Yelling “Fuck” at the top of my voice when someone touches me wrong does that to a person.

Yet, I’m not in charge, and haven’t been. Damn. This kicks me in the tail, sideways. Damn it.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled mayhem. -L

AA Step 4


Note, this is how I do AA’s step 4. Not a guru, not your sponsor, not the only way to do this.

You will need in addition to the previous supplies mentioned, a ruler and pencil. Possibly a separate notebook for this step alone. On my first 4 step, I used a financial planner with many columns. You could try this if it will work for you.

Read BB page 64 to 71, 12×12 step 4 chapter.

You will also want to review your step work and the reading done up to this point. Is there anything you have left out? You will need your drinking/using history from step one for some of this.

In your notebook or financial planner, make columns or use the first column for the names, places, ideas, institutions and situations that caused us to feel injustice. Go down the column and only list these things. Don’t do anything else yet. This is your mega all-time grudge list. Name it all. It’s quite cathartic.

Next column, next to each listing in column 1, write down what caused it. Do not move on to the 3rd column until column 2 is finished for all of it.

Column 3: Affects… Next to each, mark down if the resentment/situation affects your SE (self-esteem), Sec (Security), A (ambitions), PR (personal relationships), SR (sexual relationships), P (pocketbook, or finances), F(fear), Note: You will often find more names to add to the resentment list the more you dig, I certainly did. Go ahead and add them to column 1, and write down the cause as you find them.

Re-read last paragraph page 66 through page 67 again. Column 4, prayer list. Do nothing with this column yet.

Column 5 see page 67 again. How can I be helpful to them/others?

Column 6 see page 67, Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or frightened?

Column 7, see page 67. Where were we to blame?

Column 8 see page 48. What was my sin involved, use the 7 deadly sins list.

Column 9. page 69 BB. Whom had we hurt?

Column 10. Was I self-pitied or depressed?

Column 11. Did we unjustifyably arouse jealousy, suspition or bitterness? Page 69 BB

Column 12. What should we have done instead?

Column 13 Was the relationship selfish or not?

Column 14 Was I filled with anger, worry, self-pity, or depression? P 69 BB

Stop! Take a 24 hour break

We move on to list 2, Fears.

Do the exact same columns as the resentments list.

Column 15, Has self-reliance failed us?

Column 16, Did we set the ball rolling? Were we at fault?

Read page 251 BB and page 551 BB

We ask Him to remove our fears and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once we commenced to outgrow fear. Page 68 BB

Stop! Take a 24 Hour Break!

Lists 3 and 4 Personal and Sexual Relationships and people we have harmed.

Duplicate the columns in List 1 and 2 one thing you may notice, that most of the names on the resentment list will end up here.

Column 17, Do we owe an amends for our part? Leave room for Column 18, Am I willing to make amends? Do not fill that in yet, that’s for a future step.

Add every person’s name listed above to a prayer list.

List 5 Character ASSETS

List the things you did right, the things about you that are positives, the things about you that are good.

Other parts you perhaps could include….

Financial Inventory, Employment Inventory, Legal Inventory… Information on those is included in the 12×12

Footnotes:

Never do this type of inventory without a sponsor. It’s hard core AF.

Step 6-12 in NA and afterwards.


See the Blog Posts for Steps 1-5. You will need all of your previous work, the books and etc.. Follow the proceedures.

Note: this is not to replace sponsorship, this is how I work the steps, not the only way to work the steps. Also, Page numbers are no longer going to be included, the proceedure is the same throughout the program.

BT: Read, highlight and etc…. One segment at a time. Go on to the IW, then the SWG. Take a break about every 5 days, and 1 day between the steps.

When You are finished with step 12… Then the real work begins. Read pages 54-107 out of the BT, one segment at a time. Take notes, and work through the information. You will need the Sponsorship book, and Living Clean the Journey continues. Before hitting those, go it IW, and work through the traditions. Then move on to The sponsorship book and etc..

After you are done with all of that, maybe a year has gone by. It’s time to start over with step one again. I also redo the steps with each maor life event, no matter what area of recovery I am currently working on. About half an hour a day outside of meetings and sponsorship is about right, except in the first year.

When you have questions, ask the members with time who have worked the program from the books. They are out there. Also, don’t forget to mark the sheet out of your books, correlations, cross-references, and definitions go in the margins.

Hugs, and best of warm thoughts to you. -L