20153006 Morning Edition

Good Morning from the deck,
Cigarette in hand, coffee at my side, sitting in my recliner. It is a not so hot that I cannot move morning. Pain level is still holy crap with a few other words thrown in, but I have hope this morning.
The good news, I am up before the alarm this morning.
The crack I just heard was either gun fire, my back popping, or fireworks. Since it’s the 30th of June, I’m betting on the firework. Of course, I’ve been wrong before. My earliest memories of fireworks involve the neighbor, Junior Sagness, my brother Paul and me. Junior was watching us kids for some reason. He was a smoker, and we didn’t have any punks for our fireworks. We used his cigarettes. When I was that little, Junior was always older than dirt. We were always going to be little, and he was one of my Uncles by proxy.
Other Summer memories include riding our bikes over to the Halverson’s, and collecting cans. We would play “Dukes of Hazzard” on our bikes. Mike, Craig and Kari were siblings 2 miles over. Larry and Nancy were their cousins a mile and 3/4 over. We had so much fun. Then there were the sleep overs at Nancy’s. We would play with dolls, and get up early. I still remember brushing our teeth together in the mudroom. It was a lovely time, and there was no evil in the world.
Another memory, is my earliest. Mom worked late, and she was sleeping on the couch in front of the soap operas. I made a “nest” behind here legs with my dolly, one of her books, and would play there until she got up. I was safe. I was also naughty. It was one of those mornings, when I asked her for a root beer. She told me to get it and I did, but I shook the crap out of it on purpose. I never got a licking for the sweet sticky spray she got, but maybe I should have. I still love root beer.
The best memories though, aren’t of Holidays, but of family and friends. The morning that we got the call that my next younger brother was born. I was excited! Or when that same brother threw his baby bottle of chocolate milk into the microwave by himself, and it exploded. When the next younger brother came home from the hospital, and he was cuter than the dickens. My nephew, as a baby played Jesus in a church play. Walking, as a teenager, with my baby sister in my arms, I was barefoot, and we went down the gravel road one mile and back. Or when that same baby sister, Skunkbait was her nickname, came to spend the night at my first apartment. I miss those days.
I don’t want to stay down memory lane for too long, but those are some of my favorites.
There are also the bad memories too. Drifting down memory lane brings those up at times, and I would rather just leave those where they are, in the past.
Life’s too short to dwell on the pain. Dad and I live each day as it is. Yes, he would rather be 40 years younger. I’d rather be 20, but it is what it is. We live with what we have.
That’s just the way of things.
Have a good day, I will pester you later,
Louise Ann Benjamin


20152906 Evening Edition

I’m at the point, that I am sure that my body is out to get me. I’m tucked into bed, and am waiting for sleep to hit. It’s been one of those days.
Supper for me was a simple cheese sandwich. I couldn’t eat much more. I’m learning to just wait and scream later when the pain hits.
I didn’t get much done at all today. The trip to town was the big part of it, and I did get the chickens and the rabbits fed and watered. I guess that’s about it.
Pain level is currently holy crap.
Why don’t I take a pain pill? That’s easy to answer. Most prescription medications have side effects. Prescription pain meds screw with my brain. First, I don’t like the sedative side effect. Believe me, the pain is actually better in my book than messing with my brain. Second, once I take the pain medication, then I crave it. It’s how my brain is made. I can’t undo it, I can’t change it, and I don’t want to wake that sleeping dragon.
Here’s what happens inside my head. “I really hurt, I just took one, but it’s been 15 minutes, and it’s not working yet… I need another.” Then my brain looks for every excuse to get another pill. Another thing can happen in my head, I can’t control my moods and emotions when I take the pills. It’s like my internal editor and regulator gets shut off.
It’s like this. (Do not try this at home.) Take a pressure cooker. Fill it half full of water. Clamp on the lid. Put it on the stove, on high, and walk away.
In this analogy, the stove is the pills. I’m the pressure cooker. Keep me away from the stove, and I’m fine most of the time. However, the longer I’m on the stove, or the pills, the harder the crap I normally control tries to get out. Keep me on the pills/stove long enough, and boom. Total destruction. Believe me, I’ve been there often enough, under Dr supervision no less, and boom! It always happens.
There is no “Getting away with it.”
Want the process to work even faster? Just add alcohol. Takes about 5 minutes instead of the longer time frame established by the pills.
Long story short, I get medically supervised for pain medication.
Otherwise, I take Tylenol, rarely. I just deal with the pain the way I always do. I ask God for help.
This doesn’t make me a martyr, it just makes me a woman who absolutely does not drink/drug ever.
That’s all for now, I’ve got to get to sleep. I’ll be back in the morning with another edition.
Have a good night,
Louise Ann Benjamin

20152906 Afternoon Edition

Hello all,
It’s almost 6PM here on the farm. The critters are fed, watered, and ornery. Bo had to help me get the chickens watered. She guarded the gate to make sure that pesky rooster didn’t come out. I was grateful. Feeding and watering the birds takes allot outta a body. I’m whipped.
The pain levels are low enough that I am able to head in and do town work on Wednesday. I’m still in pain, but as far as I can tell, the town work is going to be mostly computer work. I believe a few irises were mentioned, but I can get those done carefully in the early morning.
Dad just came in and announced that we have two missing screws. That’s nothing new. We always have a few screws loose around here. We do have the black eyed peas up, most of the blue hubbard squash came up, and the weeds are about 6 feet tall in the garden.
Dad’s been helping all week in Garretson since the storm. The only days he didn’t go in were yesterday and today. One thing I have noticed, helping others is making him more spry, maybe a little more mischievous. That’s a good thing. I’m thinking that we could work with this.
Other than that, there are many things to do yet today, and we can’t open the windows yet. In fact, going outside to smoke a cigarette is a punishment in itself. It’s too humid, too sticky and too hot to breathe. I tease my cousin Bob down in Arizona about the heat he gets, but he’s not willing to come up here to face the humidity. I don’t blame him. I don’t want to here.
We keep the dehumidifier running once the temps get to be about 50* at night. However, laying down or sitting next to a panting dog is a misery. She can’t help it, but Lordy.
I’m rambling at this point, so I better get this one out to the Blog.
Have a great Afternoon,
Louise Ann Benjamin

20152906 Midday Edition

Hello all,
Dad and I have been busy. We had errands this morning that could not be put off another day, so we got up well before I was ready, and hit the road. I’m dressed in what could best be described as my best business or funeral attire. Sadly, it is black, and doesn’t breathe. I do not recommend wearing basic black with no breathing ability on a 80* day. It’s miserable. Since the care doesn’t have A/C, I was sweating buckets by the time we were done. The only caveat I have when wearing business attire is that I won’t wear high heels unless demanded by circumstances. Today, circumstances didn’t warrant that drastic measure. I’m so grateful.
However, we have our town chores done for the day, and I can finally relax. Maybe tonight I will get some sleep. One thing I do know, is that my pain level has eased up quite a bit. I’m much more comfortable now than I have been in days. In the last two nights, I’ve had 6 hours total of sleep. One thing, as miserable as I am, the stress level is dramatically decreased, and my abdomen doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it usually does.
Next on the agenda is making a bit of Dinner, and throwing Supper in the crock pot on the deck. I’m also going to get some bread started for tomorrow morning, so that we can have some good wholesome yummy to make our world better. Also, there are farm chores to do, and in the clothes I am in, well- it just doesn’t work for feeding the chickens and rabbits, let alone weeding the garden.
By the way, we do have some chickens ready to butcher, and I’ve got to get the butchering area set up. It’s also my laundry zone, so you have an idea of what is involved.
Well, I have to get back to work, take care all.
Louise Ann Benjamin

20152806 Afternoon Edition

Hello all, sorry this is late. Not feeling top notch today. Dad had to help me with the critter chores, and I finally got to the computer.
I think this is the only edition I’m going to write today. I’m going to be heading back to bed. Not much else I can do. Thankfully, it’s Sunday, when we only do the most necessary work and the rest waits.
Living this way helps us focus on the fact that this is a day of rest, mandated by the Lord himself. In years past, I’ve had folks argue with me that the 7th day is the day of rest. Those were people not of the Jewish faith, but who were trying to get a rise out of me. My answer to this is simple. This is what the Church teaches, and who is it harming that Dad and I take a day of rest?
Dad got to church this morning, but I didn’t. I was up most of the night with the pain, and just needed my sleep this morning.
How does this pain reconcile itself with my daily prayers to God to take the pain so that I can be useful? Can you imagine how bad the pain would be if I didn’t? I don’t want to go there. Whether my detractors want to attack my faith itself, or just my belief in the Catholic teachings, just doesn’t matter.
I usually consider the source.
The way I see it, is that there isn’t much fight with the Church. Jesus founded it. Enough said. As far as controversies that individuals in the church have caused, and the horrible actions by people in the church. I’m so sorry, it’s inconceivably evil actions of individuals. My heart weeps for the victims. I still believe in God. I still follow the rules of the faith as best as I can.
I still confess my sins to a Priest, and our home is filled with Rosaries and statues of the Holy Family.
I can’t do anything without God. He gives me the strength to stay sober each day, to take a breath, to walk. I have spent years in a wheelchair, or with a walker or cane.
God gives me the Serenity to handle each day without booze or drugs. God is my Rock, my Shield, my All. I may not explain things the way others think would be best, but the thing is, I lean on God. I need God every minute of every day.
The United States Supreme Court made a decision that is in all the news recently. Here is my take in it. I accept and love all people. Including those who have hurt me. If there is any sin involved, that is between each person and God. To quote the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
 736 By this power of the Spirit, God’s children can bear much fruit. He who has grafted us onto the true vine will make us bear “the fruit of the Spirit: . . . love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” “We live by the Spirit”; the more we renounce ourselves, the more we “walk by the Spirit.”

Through the Holy Spirit we are restored to paradise, led back to the Kingdom of heaven, and adopted as children, given confidence to call God “Father” and to share in Christ’s grace, called children of light and given a share in eternal glory

Following this information, the more I renounce my own negativity, the better my life is. How can I hate others, and still call myself a Christian? I can’t. So, I daily fight against my own nature, with God’s Grace, to live a good life, and enjoy “the fruit of the Spirit”.
Who am I to judge others? Like Dad says a lot of the time, “It’s just none of my business.” I like that idea, and what others do, or don’t is just none of my business, and between each person and God.
That’s all for now, I’m heading back to bed and curling up in a ball.
Take care,
Louise Ann Benjamin