Category: Applying the steps

He has taken up both of his dickishness alotments for the week.

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Hey there, Duke and I are being goodest. The Husband is in a little warmer water than usual. Life happens.

The last few days have been a little hotter under the collar than usual. I tease that we are allowed only two dickishness episodes per week. He’s used his up by midnight Tuesday. I have one available yet. Sighs.

The good news, is that for the most part life is good. The new wheelchair is slick, and I love it. I also bought somethings to make life more comfortable for me. I have to get unconventional to make life work.

There are times when we just get on each other’s nerves. However, the question is always there. How do I work the program at home? How do I keep my character defects under wraps. Yes, there is the 3rd step prayer. “Take my will and my life, guide me in my recovery, show me how to live.” It’s also the 7th step prayer.

There are times this is easy. Then my ‘rights’ come to the table, and the world goes a bit to shit in a hand basket. I need to work a thousand times harder to keep from causing harm.

There’s so much work, but it is worth it. I better get back to it. Take care, -L

Who is in charge?

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Morning all, have been on a roll lately, and chatted with an old buddy of mine. He’s a good kid, does damned fine work keeping out of the wheelchair. He’s also a friend of Bill W.

He reminded me about who is in charge of our decisions. I feel convicted here. I do my best, but there are times, that my best just isn’t good enough.

Without justifying, I took the 3rd step. However, I have been lagging on maintaining that relationship. Yelling “Fuck” at the top of my voice when someone touches me wrong does that to a person.

Yet, I’m not in charge, and haven’t been. Damn. This kicks me in the tail, sideways. Damn it.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled mayhem. -L

AA Step 4

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Note, this is how I do AA’s step 4. Not a guru, not your sponsor, not the only way to do this.

You will need in addition to the previous supplies mentioned, a ruler and pencil. Possibly a separate notebook for this step alone. On my first 4 step, I used a financial planner with many columns. You could try this if it will work for you.

Read BB page 64 to 71, 12×12 step 4 chapter.

You will also want to review your step work and the reading done up to this point. Is there anything you have left out? You will need your drinking/using history from step one for some of this.

In your notebook or financial planner, make columns or use the first column for the names, places, ideas, institutions and situations that caused us to feel injustice. Go down the column and only list these things. Don’t do anything else yet. This is your mega all-time grudge list. Name it all. It’s quite cathartic.

Next column, next to each listing in column 1, write down what caused it. Do not move on to the 3rd column until column 2 is finished for all of it.

Column 3: Affects… Next to each, mark down if the resentment/situation affects your SE (self-esteem), Sec (Security), A (ambitions), PR (personal relationships), SR (sexual relationships), P (pocketbook, or finances), F(fear), Note: You will often find more names to add to the resentment list the more you dig, I certainly did. Go ahead and add them to column 1, and write down the cause as you find them.

Re-read last paragraph page 66 through page 67 again. Column 4, prayer list. Do nothing with this column yet.

Column 5 see page 67 again. How can I be helpful to them/others?

Column 6 see page 67, Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or frightened?

Column 7, see page 67. Where were we to blame?

Column 8 see page 48. What was my sin involved, use the 7 deadly sins list.

Column 9. page 69 BB. Whom had we hurt?

Column 10. Was I self-pitied or depressed?

Column 11. Did we unjustifyably arouse jealousy, suspition or bitterness? Page 69 BB

Column 12. What should we have done instead?

Column 13 Was the relationship selfish or not?

Column 14 Was I filled with anger, worry, self-pity, or depression? P 69 BB

Stop! Take a 24 hour break

We move on to list 2, Fears.

Do the exact same columns as the resentments list.

Column 15, Has self-reliance failed us?

Column 16, Did we set the ball rolling? Were we at fault?

Read page 251 BB and page 551 BB

We ask Him to remove our fears and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once we commenced to outgrow fear. Page 68 BB

Stop! Take a 24 Hour Break!

Lists 3 and 4 Personal and Sexual Relationships and people we have harmed.

Duplicate the columns in List 1 and 2 one thing you may notice, that most of the names on the resentment list will end up here.

Column 17, Do we owe an amends for our part? Leave room for Column 18, Am I willing to make amends? Do not fill that in yet, that’s for a future step.

Add every person’s name listed above to a prayer list.

List 5 Character ASSETS

List the things you did right, the things about you that are positives, the things about you that are good.

Other parts you perhaps could include….

Financial Inventory, Employment Inventory, Legal Inventory… Information on those is included in the 12×12

Footnotes:

Never do this type of inventory without a sponsor. It’s hard core AF.

Step 6-12 in NA and afterwards.

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See the Blog Posts for Steps 1-5. You will need all of your previous work, the books and etc.. Follow the proceedures.

Note: this is not to replace sponsorship, this is how I work the steps, not the only way to work the steps. Also, Page numbers are no longer going to be included, the proceedure is the same throughout the program.

BT: Read, highlight and etc…. One segment at a time. Go on to the IW, then the SWG. Take a break about every 5 days, and 1 day between the steps.

When You are finished with step 12… Then the real work begins. Read pages 54-107 out of the BT, one segment at a time. Take notes, and work through the information. You will need the Sponsorship book, and Living Clean the Journey continues. Before hitting those, go it IW, and work through the traditions. Then move on to The sponsorship book and etc..

After you are done with all of that, maybe a year has gone by. It’s time to start over with step one again. I also redo the steps with each maor life event, no matter what area of recovery I am currently working on. About half an hour a day outside of meetings and sponsorship is about right, except in the first year.

When you have questions, ask the members with time who have worked the program from the books. They are out there. Also, don’t forget to mark the sheet out of your books, correlations, cross-references, and definitions go in the margins.

Hugs, and best of warm thoughts to you. -L

Step 5 for NA

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See steps 1-4 before doing this step. This is how I work the Steps in NA, not the only method etc…

Note: I schedule doing my 5th step with another human before I start the work. This gives me a definite deadline. It also ensures that I don’t procrastinate. I’m no longer in Highschool, and therefore cramming the night before does jack squat for me.

You will need your step work done so far, as well as all of the things mentioned in Step 1 and 4 blog posts.

Day 1: BT: Read PP31-33, follow proceedures.

Day 2: IW: 49-58, may want to break this up over 2 days. Follow Proceedsures.

Day 3 onwards: SWG: One section per day PP 45-51. Go back over all your previous step work, including what you have written in the SWG for 5, then, sit down and pray. When it is time for your appointment, follow what your sponsor suggests. If you are doing step 5 with your sponsor, if they want you to bring your book bag and previous work, do so. Hugs, Always.