Tag: change

Let’s see

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The new Dr has a brain, and critical thinking skills. She is sending me in for some cancer screening as well. I am a heavy smoker, so this makes sense.

The good news, I am back on some meds, and she increased a couple. I also no longer have to drive 120 mile round trips for medical.

The bad news? It’s almost 2am, and I freaking hurt. It will take awhile to get the levels back up in my system to counteract the pain.

Also of note, some of the office is moving back into the house. The fiction, recovery and study books as well as a book shelf or two are heading back inside. Possibly the recliner will too. As soon as the meds start working again, the shelves will move.

The reason? The dungeon is a crafting and office space. I need the room. Also, the stitching books will stay put.

That’s about all, I’m going to try to lay down. My legs locked up again, Duke was snuggling and I couldn’t move at all. Take care, -L

A little

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Morning all, hope you are well. I hear snorting in the background. Someone fuzzy is laying on the carpet and raising a ruckus. We woke up before the alarm, and have taken care of the necessary.

I put curtains up a couple of days ago, and what a change it makes. I no longer feel like an animal in a zoo for everyone’s amusement. I feel sheltered, and at home. That’s something that no-one can take from me.

The main goal for being in my own office was to give privacy back to myself. A little gift so to speak. Yes, to give my husband space and quiet while I click away is a nice thought and gesture. The good news is that I have it. I can work on anything, have time and space to myself, and work on the needful without most interruptions.

In this case, a little goes a long way. That magical feeling of being alone, has been the biggest craving of all. Yes, being in a family unit of 2 is important. However, that sacred space between us needs to have room for individuality. I love my husband, but space away from him is a treasure to behold. Yes, the book says two shall become one, but there has to be room for 2 in the home.

In a little while, I’ll be heading to therapy again. I have a long standing appointment with a therapist to monitor my progress in fighting the depression, and managing my health overall. This is key to my on-going life. I realize that my parents never had the problems I face, and never had the situation I am in. My mother passed in 04. My Dad for the first time in his life is in a wheelchair in his late 80’s.

I’ve been in one since my early 40’s. They didn’t know that this is the body I have. Never lived through what I did. They didn’t fight to get clean in a world where there weren’t accepting groups. They didn’t have to change fellowships to find a spiritual home. They didn’t have to change religious beliefs to come to terms with who they are.

I did.

The important part, is to deal with the hand you are dealt. It’s the situation here, sit down a second, and do the math. Work the problem, and come up with a soluttion that works for the circumstances. Alternatively, change the circumstances to best fit who you are as a person.

It’s the little things, small steps that work. Gentle hugs my friends. I’ll see you in the monring. Love always, -L

I don’t wanna and you can’t make me… but you can.

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Morning all, hope you are well. Young Master Duke and I are posting from bed again. He’s by my side in the eternal snuggle position. I’ve added a folding table at the bedside in order to deal with late night needs.

That’s not the change I’m whinging about though. I was encouraged by the app I’ve been using to run the blog for a long time to swap to another app. At first, I ignored it. I was more interested in getting this week’s posts out.

However, I finally made the swap. I use the app on 3 devices. The reason? The picture posts just come from my phone, and if I am having a pain day, phone posting works. I use the small tablet for editing or a quick update. The larger device gets the brunt of the work.

So, it’s change. I know, there’s I’m sure very good reasons for abandoning the old app. I’m sure that there are valid uses for the new one. However, I’m a whinging type. I don’t like change. I liked that blue W icon to greet me every day. I knew where it was, how it worked… And yet, the new icon is just as pretty.

It’s like changing the packaging on my favorite soda. Whining isn’t becomming of a knitterly person. I know.

That said, I suppose I better get back to work. This website doesn’t program itself. Snort.

Take care my friends, huge hugs. I’ll get over my dinosaur self. -L

Change it up some.

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Morning all, I’m inside for awhile, enjoying the airconditioning. My beloved is asleep, and Young Master Duke is on the bed, snoring.

Young Master Duke, posing in all his fuzzy glory.

I figured as often as I talk about Himself, a dog tax was a requirement.

We are currently hiding from flies. He and I sat outside for a few hours on the patio. The flies, emboldened by recent rains swarmed and took over the universe. The pestilence was just awful. Thankfully, my sacred cuppa was finished before they found us.

I’ve started smoking exclusively either in the garage or outside. Young Master Duke prefers to stalk the neighbors, and I prefer watching the squirrels in their antics.

Okay, I used to people watch, but I don’t want to be “That creepy neighbor” so, I watch the critters.

If the flies hadn’t attacked, we’d be out there still. This also means that I write without my smokes for the most part. This is a huge change.

My beloved complains that the smell of menthol cigarettes drives him nuts. I’ve been a menthol smoker like my Mum before me for most of my life. So, in a nod to his serenity, I made the change. This does work though, because I’m slowly switching out the crap in the garage, and making it my office/dungeon.

It’s change. I’ve learned with my husband that major change quickly sets off his brain, and he just panics. Small changes over time are easier for him.

So, I’m working on it. Besides. I don’t think I’m going to get the desk out there until spring. Sighs.

Meanwhile, perhaps you will see more pics of our adventures in garage life. I hope so. Take care my friends. Be well.-L

How a journal helps the end of year inventory.

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Hello all, good morning. It’s time for the end of year inventory. What do I mean by that? WTH? Chuckle. Yes, I do a weird end of year inventory thing. Something that helps me to learn more about who I am and why I do what I do.

This isn’t exactly recovery related, I have tied it into my step work in the past, but in this case, I use it to put the year to bed. By going back in my journal, I look at what I have learned. I also look at what didn’t work, what worked, and also my mental and physical health.

This year’s inventory… I go back month by month. I re-read my journal, and see what the major events of the year were. I look at how I handled those events.

Some, I did really well, and wouldn’t change a thing that I did. Others, I screwed up royally. I ask myself if I still owe amends in those cases. I also look at what I could have done instead.

This involves an overhaul, I suppose. But then again, that’s okay. I want to be a better person the next year. Since I live one day at a time, I don’t do resolutions. However, I do work on trying something different.

Looking over my life, I actually wish I had done more inventories over the years. I regret not doing the footwork then, the way I do now. I’m not perfect, and am far from it. However, over the last few days of this year, I’m working on my own inventory.

Huge hugs all, take care. -L