Morning all, hope you are well. I hear snorting in the background. Someone fuzzy is laying on the carpet and raising a ruckus. We woke up before the alarm, and have taken care of the necessary.
I put curtains up a couple of days ago, and what a change it makes. I no longer feel like an animal in a zoo for everyone’s amusement. I feel sheltered, and at home. That’s something that no-one can take from me.
The main goal for being in my own office was to give privacy back to myself. A little gift so to speak. Yes, to give my husband space and quiet while I click away is a nice thought and gesture. The good news is that I have it. I can work on anything, have time and space to myself, and work on the needful without most interruptions.
In this case, a little goes a long way. That magical feeling of being alone, has been the biggest craving of all. Yes, being in a family unit of 2 is important. However, that sacred space between us needs to have room for individuality. I love my husband, but space away from him is a treasure to behold. Yes, the book says two shall become one, but there has to be room for 2 in the home.
In a little while, I’ll be heading to therapy again. I have a long standing appointment with a therapist to monitor my progress in fighting the depression, and managing my health overall. This is key to my on-going life. I realize that my parents never had the problems I face, and never had the situation I am in. My mother passed in 04. My Dad for the first time in his life is in a wheelchair in his late 80’s.
I’ve been in one since my early 40’s. They didn’t know that this is the body I have. Never lived through what I did. They didn’t fight to get clean in a world where there weren’t accepting groups. They didn’t have to change fellowships to find a spiritual home. They didn’t have to change religious beliefs to come to terms with who they are.
I did.
The important part, is to deal with the hand you are dealt. It’s the situation here, sit down a second, and do the math. Work the problem, and come up with a soluttion that works for the circumstances. Alternatively, change the circumstances to best fit who you are as a person.
It’s the little things, small steps that work. Gentle hugs my friends. I’ll see you in the monring. Love always, -L
AnonymousKnitter 