Sitting here at the computer screen, I was wondering what to write. Then the words from one of those sick drunks came to me, as I thought about my day.
My original plan for the day was to wake up at around 8, wake up my Dad, and we drive into town. Dad would go to church, and I would go to my favorite AA meeting, which starts in about 6 minutes.
Dad and I are not in town, and I am not about to drive 20 miles with a migraine. Instead of plan “A”, I am going with plan “E”. Wait a minute! What happened to plans B, C, and D?
Plan B was, we rush to get ready, and head in anyway. I am dizzy and Dad does not feel safe driving.
Plan C was, I go back to sleep, and Dad takes a nap. (This was my preferred plan.)
Plan D was, I search the internet for a later Mass and later AA meeting, preferably in town. No Mass and meetings coincided neatly enough to make it the most comfortable for Dad. Also, Dad does not speak Spanish well.
So, plan E. I’m sitting and working on an essay, while Dad gets dressed. This gives him free access to the bathroom, and I have time to think a bit as well as take my medication before I get my day started.
What is the method here?
Years ago, when I moved from an apartment into a house, my Sponsor and I discussed my options. Plan A became the preferred plan, B secondary etc… I think at that point I ended up on plan Q. My Sponsor then said if I get to Z, and that doesn’t work, to go back and use A1, B1 and through the alphabet again.
What does this have to do with sobriety?
I am referring to the Big Book again. On page 86, the line starts with “On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking…”
When God is directing my thinking, I realize that many of my ideas have been wrong. I have to come up with something else entirely. The book continues, “In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take.”
This is where I realize that my plans are way out of line for my current circumstances, I stop and ask for direction.
Later in the book, there is something that adds to this idea. On page 420, the book adds, “Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations.” The higher I set my expectations on ‘Plan A’, the lower my serenity when ‘Plan A’ goes balls up, and nothing good can result.
I am reminded of the actor outlined in step 3 as well. I too, really want to run the show, however, I realize that often, I just muck it up.
I have to remind myself often, “God is my Employer” and that I do not always know what is best. Sometimes, Plan “E” or even “Q22” is just as good as “Plan A”. I do not run the show, and I am just another alcoholic, trying to get through God’s day the best I can.
That’s all I have on this for now, if you have any questions, feel free to email me at justanotheralcoholic@yahoo.com
AnonymousKnitter 