Megrims and regrets

Megrims, those memories that just pop up out of the middle of nowhere. I could be triggered by a scent, an idea, or nothing at all. The problem with megrims, is that they are evil rat bastards that just want to take a body down. They are arse hats, to say the least.

Addict brain loves the megrims. Addict brain, that part of the mind that wants me dead in a ditch somewhere, has my worse interests at heart, and is out to get me, pulls those megrims out of nowhere. I could be sitting playing a game of solitaire on my tablet, and wham. I’m slapped in the face with one of those things.

Megrims, and their ugly sister regret, really have been chasing me around the playground lately. There’s nothing I can do about them, but to pray, and to journal the bejesus out of the situation.

Writing out the problem takes all the heat out from under the pressure cooker in my head, and runs cold water over the lid. I may cry during these episodes, and I often do so. I may even say words that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. However, by getting it out in black and white. That kettle isn’t going to blow into active holy crap mode.

So, tonight, I’m going to take a short nap. While my husband is in the clinic today, I’m going to sit down with my journal and write out everything that pops into my head. It’s self-defense. It’s a mental anti-toxin. It will help.

Hugs, -L


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