Exactly as advertised


Thank God for vaccines. I can say that.

Morning all, the Hubs is resting, the dishwasher is running, Duke is outside, and I am whiny.

I woke, headed to the necessary, and then let Duke out. I checked the dishwasher. The Hubs had told me if I would fill it and empty it, he would run it. I ran the dishwasher. If he doesn’t wake up, then I will empty it, rinse and repeat. It’s been a couple of days.

I am awaiting another grocery delivery. Also Amazon delivery as well. More tens equipment is arriving today. Yes, the tens machine does what it is supposed to do. It fries the nerves so that the pain receptors in my hody don’t go apesheet. I like that. I run it per the directions, and then take a break.

The ice/heat pad is here as well. Sadly, it doesn’t last long as either an ice pack or heating pad, but it does provide a little relief. I plan on microwaving the thing, and putting it on a wet hand towel over my shoulders later.

On the grocery order is more midol generic version. That crap works! It’s the best pain reliever for my condition I have found so far. I take it per the label directions. I just wish it would keep working after 6 hours. It doesn’t have the cliff drop off that most other pain meds I have taken do. It also doesn’t have the side effects of making me more stupid.

Sighs. I wish more things were like that.

Meanwhile, my O2 sats are good. I’m still producing copious amounts of mucous and other products, and I am alive. I still have a cough. We are still having coughing battles. It’s a thing. Oh, and the thing that is exactly as advertised? The covid.

Thank God for vaccines. Hugs my friends. Take care. -L

Spoons and trying to do more


Morning all, it’s another rainy day here in Minnesota.  I usually write 2-4 posts early in the week, and that way I have enough spoons on writing days as well as enough spoons on other days to keep going.

Young Master Duke just approached me for his pain pill. He is probably smarter than me in controlling his arthritis. He manages his spoons pretty well. On low spoon days, he asks more often, nudging my right leg at the desk, and not begging but insisting. He then gets his pill, and goes to lay down. He knows that a simple dog treat, with a tiny bit of hemp oil is enough to keep him from hurting from daily living. Note: I never use peppermint and hemp oil with him. Peppermint is poison to dogs.

In a weird stance on increasing the number of spoons available, I have been overusing them on purpose. The means on rainy days, when my body just wants to sit and do nothing but scroll or turning a page, I get up and work. I use topical creams, otc meds, and hemp oil myself to just keep going.

I had to do this. The drive train on my wheelchair went to sheet over the winter. I couldn’t push my chair anymore, and just rolling over in bed caused me to scream. I needed to walk more, I needed to increase my range of motion. I remembered the rat bastards in physical therapy used to push me beyond my limits to increase my range of motion. So, I got to work.

I purchased 2 new canes. I began to use them. Now, I stilll can’t stand for more than a minute, but I can walk with both canes. For arm stretches, I used a cane in increase my reach, and stretched the muscles that would cause me to scream.

I did weird things. I would set up stitching outside, to force the distance I had to walk. I would haul my stitching outside myself. If I needed a tent set up, I would set the f-er up myself. I began to do more rather than less.

My pain is fibro and arthritis. It’s a bitch from the bowels of hell. My instincts are to just crawl the f to bed. I still do. However, I also still do as much as I can. It’s conducive to my survival. No one will push me around in my wheelchair. When I become a widow, no one will be there to help me around the house. I will be alone.

I have to be able to take care of myself, on a spoons day or a no spoons day. Please keep in mind, I am talking about me, and about my personal body. I am not a doctor, a physical therapist or anything like that. I’m a short fat woman in a wheelchair in constant pain.

So, for today, a rain day. I’m going to set up in the garage, I’m going to open the big door, and stitch to the sound of the rain. I will listen to podcasts, and I will be okay. I might cry a little, swear a little more, but I will be fine in the long run. I’m not stupid enough to stitch with wet fiber folks, I won’t be out in the rain personally at all.

Take care my friends, please don’t give up. Please keep striving to do a little more each day. -L 

Focus


Morning, another canned post. Have been thinking about the magic magnifying mind an alkie or an addict has. Ever want to see this in real life, just go to any group conscience meeting. Watch as the group freaks out over whether or not they are going to sell hotdogs or nachos at the next big whing ding.

On the day this post goes up, we will have been 2 days out from the first surgery. Hubs came out okay (edited to add this.) We are waiting for the next one now.

I’ve noticed the effect of the magnifying mind quite a bit. The more I focus on the fear, the what ifs, and the what’s going to happens… the worse they become. The more I focus on accepting that nothing happens by mistake, and on accepting that just for this second, we are still okay in one form or another, the less my stress is.

This doesn’t make it easy. Hell no, it’s not. Yet, I turned my will and my life over to the care and direction of God as I understand Him. I’m not taking this one back. This is not my plan, but God’s. If I am destined to be a widow, then I am. I will cry, I will curl up, and I will hurt like hell… but it is what it is.

Accepting the unacceptible is harder than anything, I want to go out and scream to the heavens. It’s just not worth the energy. I need to focus instead on the right now. Appreciating every second I am given. My Husband is still Himself, with all his character assets, and defects in place. We still are together when the shits Not hitting the fan. I appreciate this.

Fighting each day, whether it’s addiction or life, is a struggle. God’s always been there for me. I’m comforted. Hugs my friends. -L

P.S. The canned messages will continue for quite awhile I’m sure. My apologies, but right now, I write when I can focus on the writing. -L

On track with the blood sugars


Morning all, the Duke has taken my spot in the bed, and I’m well into a good day. I was thrilled to have a blood sugar of 88 this morning. Usually my fasting blood sugar is over 300.

Wait, what? Yep, over 300. Think broke diet, combined with depression. We are well on our way to having a sucky day at that point. No miracle drug can fix that. When a person can’t afford the insulin, and a person can’t afford real food…

A few weeks ago, I noticed that I’m not as hungry as normal. Yes, I have a few tests coming from the Dr’s office to triple check what’s going on for that. However, the upswing is that finally, finally, my diabetes is getting closer to the control ideal over the past several days.

I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth with that. I have been eating a little different as well. I eat fruit when I have a craving for sweet. It’s expensive as hell, but instead of cheaper foods that will knock my sugars into the next millenium, I’m eating something a little healthier.

I will update you on the results of the tests coming up. I am starting the prep on Wednesday, and will be hiding in the little girls room with the laptop, a gallon of some nastiness, and plenty of water and juice. I’d use the tablet, but that died the final death again. I am giving up on it.

Meanwhile, I’m accepting the small gifts from God as they arrive. I feel human again. The lower blood sugars are a blessing.

Hugs for now, take care. -L

I just ran out of time


State Seal of South Dakota.
State Seal of South Dakota. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all, its almost 130 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. I still don’t have the last weekend’s podcast up and running. I’ve been focusing on everything but the website. However, I’ll do the production work today, for both last weekend’s episode, and this weekend’s episode. I’ll get them both up on the site and available asap. In preparing for my husband’s surgery, we just ran out of time for other considerations. I could not stop the clock. It was a mad, crazy, busy week. I had intentions of getting this last weekend’s episode recorded ahead of time, but that just didn’t work out. I ended up doing service work, and lots of prayer work instead.

First things first. My husband has been reported as “No new Cancer found this time.” What this means is that the Cancer that the Dr removed last time has not grown back. This is not a remission, as 2 new polyps were found and removed. The Dr stated that those were benign. Meanwhile, We spent the day with family in South Dakota after my husband was released from Hospital.

My husband is in relatively good spirits, and doing very well. He is almost completely back on schedule, and is busy focusing on the dogs and household as we speak. I believe that my words for his condition sum it up best. “I’ve custody of Himself for one more year! Thank you very much!” We live that way, on a little by little basis, as there is no news that changes the fact that he has recurring Cancer.

Thank You all for your prayers, and for everything you do. I’ll be broadcasting shortly, and I’ve got ever so much more to tell you!

Louise Ann Benjamin