A difference.


Morning all, hope you are well. Young Master Duke is napping, and we survived the night.

Diabetes is an evil rat bastard. I found myself in a reaction not once but twice last night. During a reaction, I zone out. Then I start sweatting and get dizzy. Soon enough, I pass out if not treated.

That said, with the dizzy comes nausea and other issues. The solution to a reaction is to eat and drink sweet things. The problem, that nausea. Yesterday’s rearrange in the kitchen ended up a blessing. Having the wheelchair in there, made a reaction situation much easier to deal with.

I wasn’t fighting pain, nausea and dizzy at the same time. Granted, the nausea was evil, and yet… I survived the night.

2 things I use for rapid survival mode. Tang Breakfast Drink, and a similar one from Welches. I can drink those until I am able to eat. It’s quick sugar, not a long acting carbohydrate, but it buys me enough time to get something in me.

That’s about it. I know, a little gruesome this morning. But the thing is, without the kitchen change yesterday, I probably wouldn’t have been able to deal with this on my own.

Why doesn’t the Hubs help me? He never has with the diabetes. He still thinks it’s a myth or a lie I perpetuate. Oh well. Life gets teejus. -L

Spoons


Morning all, have been posting from bed lately, and I am sorry. Today I am up for a bit at the desk, and thought I would bring you up to speed.

I woke at just close to 1 this afternoon. I’d finally fallen asleep at about 2:30. I have a device that tracks my sleep, and that is what it tells me. I probably could have gotten up for the day at 8:30, but my body said “Oh hell no, git yer arse back to bed.” I’d gotten up to head to the necessary. Having a bladder the size of an acorn does help in life, I swear, it means that I don’t need an alarm clock.

I desperately need a shower, but am worried that I don’t have enough spoons to get the job done. My husband is in that same boat. We do use daily sponge baths so to speak, but a shower just resets the body somehow. I know that the hot water would be a blessing, but I don’t want to crash to bed for 4 hours afterwards.

Diabetically, my blood sugars are back through the roof. It’s just too much sometimes. I know that stress and pain raise blood sugars, and even intermittant fasting doesn’t help. So, I do the best I can, and pray for the rest.

Measuring out the spoons for the day is a rat bastard. I have to have enough spoons to make it through the ‘normal’ activities. Yet there are times even going to the necessary takes 5 frigging spoons per visit. There are days I long for someone to take care of me, but then again, there are days that I remember what it was like working in long term care.

The catch-22. I’m an addict. Therefore, for pain management, I am behind the 8 ball. There are no medications I can take that will improve my quality of life. While the flares are through the roof, I am screwed. I can’t camp, sitting in the back yard under a tent is a major spoon withdrawal point at times. Other times, I sit out there in defiance of my body.

That’s really what’s going on. In defiance of the spoons, and in defiance of my body, I get things done. I guess, I’m just thinking this through as I write. I know that the flares get worse as time goes on. Yet that proposed camping trip to the backyard is still giving me hope.

I’m just waiting for when the high temp for the day is in the 60’s and the lows are in the 40’s again. I’m looking forward to it.

Meanwhile, I suppose I better go lay back down and zone out for a few. Please take care, -L

Insulin Rationing


Morning all, have to fly out the door in too soon of a time, but wanted to strike while the iron was hot so to speak.

I’ve been rationing insulin for decades. As a Medicare patient, my insulin is not covered by Medicare. I had to choose between a plan that would cover some of my meds 100% and not the insulin, or a plan that would cover few of my meds. It costs more per month.

Well, this month, my insulin rationing is saving my life. There are not enough shekels in order to cover both insulin and food. There are not enough shekels to cover insulin, food, and fuel for the vehicle. So, insulin has to wait.

Some vehicle uses have to wait.

Some food has to wait.

It’s a give and take thing. There aren’t programs that help, because we still make too much over the poverty level.

It’s life, however, I do have enough insulin to get through the month. That’s what matters.

There are other things in the world much more important for folks to worry about. My getting insulin isn’t a crisis right now. Hope you are well. I better get going. Take care. -L

Diabetes in 2022 for this disabled woman


Morning all, it’s July outside and December inside. The cold flashes continue, and regulating my body temperature is entertaining at best.

I started the year off with the expectation that the Dexcom G6 would be a blessing and a help. I called it the snitch. It was both wonderful and horrible.

The good… reported my blood sugars to my Dr.

The bad… innacurate. Had to recalibrate more often than not. Caused me to blister, and the pharmacy I went with lied about the costs. It turns out that finger sticking was much much cheaper even if I tested 10 times per day. (I don’t.)

Since then, I’ve told the pharmacy to shove the Dexcom sideways. They still want money out of me. Of course they do. Not disclising upfront the exact costs does this. Sighs.

Since then. I still have scars from the blisters. My injection sites occasionally hit a sore spot for insulin. I’ve started injecting in my arms more often. The problem with this is my hands aren’t strong enough to use the pen sometimes. I need to see my Dr for more options.

Meanwhile, my blood sugars are not always perfect. They won’t be. Stress, mood, activity, sleep patterns and millions of other things affect diabetes. Allergies, a simple cold or flu, and even ambient temperature affect diabetes.

It seems that the one thing that has the least affect on my diabetes is testing my blood sugar. That tiny smudge of blood doesn’t raise or lower my sugar, it’s just a test, a report of how my body is doing.

Back in the mid 1990’s, I was treated like a moral defect because I am diabetic. I was treated as if every decision was a sin. The diabetic educator in my town was the worst offender, and I just stopped going. I also stopped caring.

It is 2022. Pain levels other issues and condition aside, I wish I had known then what I know now. Everything affects diabetes in one way or another. It’s not a moral problem, being diabetic. It is a biological problem. My body still produces insulin, on occasion, and occasionally, I get sugar lows.

It is my life. Medical gaslighting by the professionals that were supposed to train me on how to care for my body is not a criminal offense.

Perhaps it should have been. My ony hope is that there is some time in hell for asshats who mistreat the people in their care.

That’s all I have for now my friends. Take care of yourselves. You are the only advocate your body has. -L

Houston, we may have a problem


I love mathematics, it’s a good foundation for logic and science. It’s involved in every aspect of my life. From how many stitches per inch to how many yards of fabric are needed to complete a project, math is involved.

There is another aspect to mathematics that involves my life directly. It’s the amount of insulin required to keep me alive. I take 50 units of insulin every day. Some days I take an additional 10 units of insulin. My insurance doesn’t cover the cost of my insulin. So, I get the cheapest insulin available.

I just took my insulin this morning. I looked at the number of pens I have left, and then at the refill date. I also looked inside my head at the amount I want to spend in the next 3 months on camping. Crap. I can’t afford both a camping trip and insulin.

Camping fees have been calculated down to the dime. The cost of groceries, fuel, and any additional expenses have been minutely examined. I know to the penny how much money I will need to make that camping trip work.

The irony? Excluding the camping trip doesn’t completely cover the costs of being a diabetic. I was going to spread out the cost of the camping trip over two months. I have to do that with my medications as it is. So, with deep regret. I’m canceling all away from home camping trips this year.

Crap.

I’m going to go sit in the backyard, put up a tent and sit for awhile. I have swear words to invent. Then again, since the weather isn’t cooperating, I’m going to sit in the garage, with the door open… and invent swear words.

Hugs, -L