Why are you still in recovery, and why do you still go to meetings? You’ve been clean almost 25 years

Morning all, hope this post reaches you in good serenity. We’re behaving.

I recently had this question come up. I started the answer on pen and paper, but decided to move it to the blog. My clean date is October 16th 1998. I’ve been actively going to meetings since September 2nd 1997.

I’ve ordered my 25 year medallion, NA doesn’t give frontsies, however I do want it available when the time comes. I have chosen a phoenix design this time Why?

This October when the time comes, I still won’t have been clean half of my life. I was born drunk. My folks believed in a little beer in the baby bottle. I will be 51 years old the day my medallion is real. I remember my last use.

It was at Smookies pizza. Combo plates, skunked beer, and my soon to be ex-husband. I didn’t know it was a soon to be ex, at that time, he was only threatening me back then. The beatings hadn’t commenced yet. The divorce will have been final 25 years ago July 23rd this year.

I remember who I was back then. I remember the desperation. I remember being a slave to drugs. I remember that life revolved around Dr’s appointments, lying, begging, and dying on the inside. I remember getting last rites by a priest with tears in his eyes after a suicide attempt of 63 sleeping pills.

Addiction is patient as hell. It’s growing in me, and waiting for me to slip. Then here we go again.

That’s what it was like. What’s happened since then is logged here on this website over and over again. Working the steps, finding and keeping a sponsor. Living the program. Thousands of meetings, many hours over coffee until 3-4 in the morning. Campouts, dances, cleaning ashtrays, and pouring over literature looking for the solution. None of that was a waste of time.

They say only 2 percent of addicts make it in recovery. Lower than the 3 percent that AA claims. Here’s the rub.

I’ve seen obituaries and jail rosters. I’ve gone to funerals. The disease of addiction is death in a nutshell. That’s why I stay clean, work a program, and go to meetings. I’ve received last rites once. Let’s don’t do that again.

Hugs my friends. Take care. Love you. -L