The secret hideout

Morning all, hope you are well. Still having one of those dramatic pain day things, so here is a post from the drafts pile.

Before social distancing was a thing, I had a hideout I would go to. It was safe, quiet, and comforting. I’m not sure how old I was when I first entered the hideout. I do know I was mesmerized back then. I’d never seen a place like it before.

I found weird magic there, and could relax without worrying. I was happy, for the first time in forever. I learned that the more I went to the hiding space, the less was expected of me by others. I learned that I could hide, comfortable, quietly and safely.

It didn’t matter there what was going on at home. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t do things others could do. I didn’t get overstimulated, or have panic attacks there. I saw others, but we treated each other with dignity and respect.

I could just be, while I was there. I could get lost from the pain and reality of the day to day. I found so much there, and wished and even dreamed during the worst of the lockdown that I could go back. I couldn’t though. Being immune compromized, I was stuck. I had no choice but to be here in the house 24/7.

Then social media, being the cruel monster it is, noticed that I had certain interests. Lately, they have been showing posts of hideaways like my secret place. They have been even taunting me with it. I’ve been getting more lost in my life, lately. I want to go back.

I’m thinking, that it is time. Just one of these errand days, to sneak over there. I want to see the changes that they have made. I want to know what is happening, and how the folks there are. I want to go back to my safe secret place again.

I wonder, if my library card is still active. Hmm, looks like I’m going to check it out. -L


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