A bit of pain

Morning all, Hope you are well. It’s been… life lately.

I have 3 elderly relatives in the generation above mine left. 2 of them have been hospitalized, one on this most recent Friday, and the other just before Christmas.

Both are in excellent hands. I’ve been… this is Way above my paygrade to deal, you know? I’ve been Very low contact with most of that side of my family for a reason. Okay, I talk to two of my brothers, that’s about it. I torment one of my nephew babies. It doesn’t matter that that particular nephew baby, (my personal favorite) is taller than me and married, he is my nephew baby.

It’s been a hard, very painful week. A sucky, hard, painful week. I apologize for being.. distracted. This type of crap isn’t blog worthy, or post worthy really, it”s more of an off my chest thing.

Yes, it is possible to love people you are low to no contact with. It’s easier to love them without the pain and ick of ongoing abuse. When they suffer, it”s hard. It is even harder to not reach out to them, to give them a hug, and to let them know you care. I can’t travel far. I won’t be making the trip to do the touching hospital scene. Heck, my smoker’s cough would have the hospital stop me at the door. It’s the way the world wags.

Thank You, my readers, for being awesome, kind, and very sweet over the years. I love you. Distance hugs. -L


Repost, the only Big Book some will ever see

Thank You for understanding. Will be back soon with normal blog mayhem.

I confess that I pull these topics off the top of my head most days. Sometimes, I am able to tie them to other topics I have shared on, usually, it is just random thoughts. This is another one of those random thoughts.
I heard, when I first came to AA that I needed to behave as I could be truly the only Big Book that someone would ever see. I’m still confused by this, especially since most people do not know that I am an alcoholic, let alone in recovery. Yes, close family and friends know, as does my medical team. Yet the broad public does not know and does not need to know.
So breaking down this phrase a little bit more, I take it as if I am supposed to behave as if God is my new Employer. I am to behave as if God is my director. I am to be helpful to others if I am able, and to pray for those that I am not able to help.
If I am requested, on those rare occasions that it happens, to help another alcoholic outside of the rooms, I am to give the information and to share my experience strength and hope with others, especially alcoholics.
I try, when working with strangers, to keep my alcoholism off the topic list, and yet to act with the best manners I can. This is a huge change from years ago. I was an entitled brat. The world owed me, or so I thought, and I was to be catered to.
Ironically, as the daughter of a hard-working man and woman, I was owed nothing. I had contributed nothing to society, and yet…
By working the steps, especially step 3, and changing my will and life, I don’t believe that anymore.
Today, I am just grateful to be alive.
That’s all I have for now, may God be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit. -L