Waiting, and a little recovery

Morning all, Young Master Duke and I are in the kitchen. He’s had his secret Voupies this morning. I’ve had my medication. My beloved is asleep in bed. I made the executive decision to order dinner for delivery. We are impatient. It’s not fair, we have to be adults, be patient, and just freaking wait like normal human beings. Sighs, our bellies are growling, and we must have the goodness! I know, I know, whining just doesn’t cut the mustard. But but but.

Now let’s look at reality side. I’ve been combating the character defect of being ‘cute’ to get better service from folks. I really don’t want the nickname ‘Karen’. I just want to be a regular person, and I want to be the type of person that it is a pleasure to help. I want to be the kind of person that no-one dreads being around. Fighting the entitlement and priveledge sucks. Believe me. I’m no more important than anyone else on this planet. I need to remember this over and over again. I’m not a princess, I’m not a Lady o’ the manor. I’m not wealthy. I’m an older human in a wheelchair.

Yesterday, I ran some errands. I had to ask for help twice. I used the “cute” thing, and now, inside, I’m shuddering. I just want to be normal. How can I ‘be normal’ from a wheelchair? Here are my thoughts. I don’t want to be noticed other than as one among many. There is the urge to be ‘a part of’ rather than one above. How do I go about this?

I do need to apply the steps, however, there is more. The steps are designed to help me to stay sober. To remove character defects that are obstacles in the path of my usefulness to others. The problem I am running into is the 19xx sobriety date. I am out of touch, and beyond out of my mind. The sobriety date is worshipped in sobriety. That’s a major drawback in the culture. The quality of my sobriety is much more important than the quantity of years.

Back to my problem. I need to nudge ego out of the way. I need to take myself out of the equation in the situation. This is rough. I don’t have all the answers. However, the needs I have, to just be one among many, rather than to be unique is so very important. Most of the time, it boils down to being patient.

Do not get me wrong. I am just as guilty as the next person of worshipping the all-mighty clean date. Yet the thing is, I am only doing the things I should have been doing all along.

Back to today’s waiting for my order dilemma. My order did show up late. One of my friends was the delivery driver. We had a mini meeting and a quick smoke together. Even though the order was ‘an hour late’ it was worth waiting for.

That’s about all for now. Take care, please. Hugs. -L


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