Hello again, a little evening update. There are days I swear there are not enough cusswords. Today was one of them. It rained most of the day.
My beloved is still in a crap ton of pain, and is trying to do things himself. He has gotten past the ‘man cold’ level and is trying for now.
There are times when even our best isn’t good enough. I used to wear scrubs a very long time ago, but can’t anymore. I think he finally realized that today. He needed adjusting in bed. I got hurt trying.
We got to the point where he was insulting my family again, and I blew my stack. I left. I had one hour before I had to get the grocery order, and I just left. I couldn’t at that moment anymore. Don’t worry, he was in a safe position, in his wheelchair when I left him. He had access to the rest room, to water, and an ashtray.
Some greasy french fry therapy and a soda later, I sat in the store’s parking lot waiting. He started texting, and I reminded him that I am his wife. That I deserve respect. Yes, he is in a crap ton of pain, and my back will heal, but I deserve to be treated with dignity.
I reminded him that we have been together for 20 years. I know its not easy living with me, I get it. I do one thing well, and that is staying sober. The rest, well…. You know. We came to a cease fire. I picked up the groceries, and came home.
It’s not the mansplaining that blows my stack. It isn’t the whining that sets me off. It’s the total disrespect. There are days when it isn’t bad at all. Then there are other days.
His back surgery just cranked up the fire on both of our character defects. We will get through, and keep on. Right now, it is one of those ‘for worse’ weeks. Soon enough it will get better.
On another note, I received a call back from my own medical people. I start physical therapy for some of my own problems in 10 days. I think it will be worth the effort.
Meanwhile, I’m going to grab an ice pack, and listen to some true crime podcasts. Have a good night all. -L
AnonymousKnitter 