It’s like a barometer, I swear

Morning all, Young Master Duke is out cold at the moment dreaming the dreams he needs to dream. I’m at the desk, wearing my noise canceling headphones, and my Husband…

There’s a conversation happening in the dining room right now. He’s the only one in there, but there is a conversation. He’s not on the phone. I don’t know who he is talking to, and I’m not sure I am on the list of need to knows on that.

Here’s the situtation. He’s a hermit. The only time he leaves the house is for medical appointments. Before the pandemic, he would go to the store with me occasionally. He hasn’t in over a year.

I started to notice this about 10 or more years ago. He’d mumble under his breath, constantly. Once the noise canceling headphones came into play, his volume increased. It’s usually when he thinks that I can’t hear him, that the volume goes above the mumble level.

I can hear him through doors, when I wake up and head to the necessary.

The frequency and volume are usually an indicator of how he is doing inside his head. I don’t listen for content, and it’s not my business. However, what he doesn’t realize is that noise canceling headphones are not all they are cracked up to be.

I still hear that there is noise in the background. Not specifics, to be honest, but noise at some level. If I am listening to music, or an really intense book or podcast, it’s easier to tune him out, and for his privacy, I usually do.

However, he has surgery coming up in the next few months. He’s worried about it, and his anxiety levels are beyond right now. How do I know? I can hear it. The pitch and tone in his voice, and the volume, are a dead giveaway.

Why don’t I talk to him? He refuses. His mental state doesn’t allow for verbal communications with me most times. He usually texts. Living within his comfort level is what we do.

Note: He is not diagnosed as neurodivergent, or on any spectrum. I strongly suspect that he is, but I am not a medical professional.

Hugs, my friends, take care. -L


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