Spoons


Morning all, have been posting from bed lately, and I am sorry. Today I am up for a bit at the desk, and thought I would bring you up to speed.

I woke at just close to 1 this afternoon. I’d finally fallen asleep at about 2:30. I have a device that tracks my sleep, and that is what it tells me. I probably could have gotten up for the day at 8:30, but my body said “Oh hell no, git yer arse back to bed.” I’d gotten up to head to the necessary. Having a bladder the size of an acorn does help in life, I swear, it means that I don’t need an alarm clock.

I desperately need a shower, but am worried that I don’t have enough spoons to get the job done. My husband is in that same boat. We do use daily sponge baths so to speak, but a shower just resets the body somehow. I know that the hot water would be a blessing, but I don’t want to crash to bed for 4 hours afterwards.

Diabetically, my blood sugars are back through the roof. It’s just too much sometimes. I know that stress and pain raise blood sugars, and even intermittant fasting doesn’t help. So, I do the best I can, and pray for the rest.

Measuring out the spoons for the day is a rat bastard. I have to have enough spoons to make it through the ‘normal’ activities. Yet there are times even going to the necessary takes 5 frigging spoons per visit. There are days I long for someone to take care of me, but then again, there are days that I remember what it was like working in long term care.

The catch-22. I’m an addict. Therefore, for pain management, I am behind the 8 ball. There are no medications I can take that will improve my quality of life. While the flares are through the roof, I am screwed. I can’t camp, sitting in the back yard under a tent is a major spoon withdrawal point at times. Other times, I sit out there in defiance of my body.

That’s really what’s going on. In defiance of the spoons, and in defiance of my body, I get things done. I guess, I’m just thinking this through as I write. I know that the flares get worse as time goes on. Yet that proposed camping trip to the backyard is still giving me hope.

I’m just waiting for when the high temp for the day is in the 60’s and the lows are in the 40’s again. I’m looking forward to it.

Meanwhile, I suppose I better go lay back down and zone out for a few. Please take care, -L

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