Back to meetings, and a panic attack

Morning all, about to jump in the shower and get started with the day. Young Master Duke is outside, and my beloved Husband is in charge of puppy care this morning.

Yesterday, after much prayer and fear, I decided it was time to go back to face to face meetings again. I still have all of the worries I had before I made this choice. If I bring even a cold home, it could kill my husband.

I don’t have the right to put his life at risk. I don’t have the right to put him in danger. However, it’s become readily apparent that as of this moment, online meetings aren’t enough.

I need to take care of my recovery. Then again, the pain of jumping into the shower, getting dressed, and driving there. The pain of unloading the chair, opening the door, and wheeling in is astronomical. Then reversing the process to come home. I’m sure that I’ll be in bed for the rest of the day.

I had panic attacks for house last night over this. I just laid there, knowing I was in full panic mode, and knowing that I was beyond triggered. I can’t not go, but I can’t go.

I’m emotionally at my limit, an dthe sun hasn’t been up for very long. Chuckle, it’s my life.

I’m not brave, just an old woman in a wheelchair. By the way, listening to Miracle of Sound’s Valhalla Calling to get through right now. Take care, -L


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