Notes to self

Notes to self: These are the admonitions I have been having with my brain box lately.

Self, the next time you sleep wrong, and stand up wrong, don’t do it on the same night. There are repercussions to this action, and you don’t want to pay the piper again.

Self, bastardized spagghetti gives you gas, and when you fart wrong, you have repercussions.

Self, running the blender for your iced coffee about 45 seconds after your husband wakes up is cruel and inhumane, and should only be done when he torques your twinkies.

Self, don’t buy sketchy fast-food from teenagers, and expect to not have to change your drawers.

Self, there is a speed limit to the dining room. Yes, the room is between the office and that bathroom, but the dog is a speed bump, and you don’t know how to fly. Footnote, making an amends to the dog, because you outweigh him 4.5 times, and fell on him, is still not easy.

Self, on the blender thing, just because you wear noise canceling headphones, and your husband has had misphonia for decades, doesn’t mean that the blender isn’t loud. Please don’t add extra ice cubes to your iced coffee and grind that sucker for all its worth when he ticks  you off.

Self, because its there/possible/achievable is not a good enough reason. What was your motive for running a sewing machine at full throttle when your husband was being himself? He hasn’t changed in over 20 years, behave your happy arse.

Self, that thing that happened is 30 years ago, you might be the only human on the planet that remembers it. You need to let that shit go.

My friends, the brain cells have been arguing again, it’s normal. Take care. -L


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