Morning all, just finished writing yesterday’s post, and it brought up a new topic. Still have the 80’s music in my ears, and Duke still has tracked mud all over the damned house, what a sweet boy.
My favorite word came into play last year. It became my favorite word when I quit being volunteer secretary/babysitter for a 12 step non-profit organization.
I learned eons ago, that to help others is a core foundation of recovery. I did a little bit here and there. I worked in service and scrubs for the elderly, providing direct physical cares. I helped at the local’s clubhouse, scrubbing tables and the building. I sponsored others, and volunteered as much as possible in every way possible.
However, over the years as my physical abilities dropped, my ability to volunteer went to hell in a handbasket. I started saying, “I can’t” more and more. Then came the secretary’s job. I donated 80 hours a month to the position.
I directly got involved with the groups, the GSR’s and scrounged what they needed. I also helped at the state level. I met and enjoyed conversations with the state secretary. It was fun. Then a certain pandemic hit.
I learned this new word. With diabetes, and the side board of medical issues that go with it, my immune system took one look at the viurses out there, and I said “NO”.
I was ashamed, and received kick back. We moved to zoom meetings, and holy crap, that “No” kept biting me in the arse. Finally, I gave up. I started pushing the ohter ‘officers’ work back onto their plates. I stopped attending ftf. I stopped everything except the brief typing up of the minutes. I went on strike, without not doing my office’s position.
The whining was entertaining. I started loving the word “NO” more and more. I even quit a couple of times, giving them plenty of notice.
The funny part, is that last year of service, I point blank said, “I”m only attending a few of these meetings. I can’t, I have a life now.”
One even asked me what I would be doing once I quit being secretary. I said the truth, “All the hundreds of things I had let sit by the wayside when I was being secretary.” Chuckle.
I blocked all but one or two on social media. I went back to being just me, and once I pulled the secretary’s accounts out of my phone, I washed my hands of it all. I got a feral joy out of saying “NO”. Glee is one of those weird feelings that I hadn’t experienced in a long time.
The fallout. Have no clue on their side. Not my circus, not my monkeys. On my side…. My diabetes is much more carefully managed. I no longer have blood sugars in the HIGH zone for my meter. I no longer have to shoot more insulin into my carcas than water. I now have time to spend with my friends, sponsees, and my husband.
I can snuggle a certain boy dog who drags All the Mud in every spring. He’s the goodest.
I miss some of the people, they are good eggs. I don’t miss the utter bullshit. Welp, the sun is thinking about rising, the sky is lightening up a wee bit. It’s a smokey carnation blue right now through my window. I’m going to grab the first cuppa of the day and my pencils.
Have a lovely day. Take care. -L