Morning, another canned post. Have been thinking about the magic magnifying mind an alkie or an addict has. Ever want to see this in real life, just go to any group conscience meeting. Watch as the group freaks out over whether or not they are going to sell hotdogs or nachos at the next big whing ding.
On the day this post goes up, we will have been 2 days out from the first surgery. Hubs came out okay (edited to add this.) We are waiting for the next one now.
I’ve noticed the effect of the magnifying mind quite a bit. The more I focus on the fear, the what ifs, and the what’s going to happens… the worse they become. The more I focus on accepting that nothing happens by mistake, and on accepting that just for this second, we are still okay in one form or another, the less my stress is.
This doesn’t make it easy. Hell no, it’s not. Yet, I turned my will and my life over to the care and direction of God as I understand Him. I’m not taking this one back. This is not my plan, but God’s. If I am destined to be a widow, then I am. I will cry, I will curl up, and I will hurt like hell… but it is what it is.
Accepting the unacceptible is harder than anything, I want to go out and scream to the heavens. It’s just not worth the energy. I need to focus instead on the right now. Appreciating every second I am given. My Husband is still Himself, with all his character assets, and defects in place. We still are together when the shits Not hitting the fan. I appreciate this.
Fighting each day, whether it’s addiction or life, is a struggle. God’s always been there for me. I’m comforted. Hugs my friends. -L
P.S. The canned messages will continue for quite awhile I’m sure. My apologies, but right now, I write when I can focus on the writing. -L