I’m flat out


Morning all, it’s almost 7 in the morning, and I have run completely out of canned posts. Yes, this is a canned post. I will be spending most of the day writing, so I can have work ready ahead of time. I apologize, for running behind.

Here’s where I am at. I draw for a bit every day. Doesn’t matter what I draw, as long as it is something. It could be a fantasy, it could be a still life, it could be something edible… Doesn’t matter what it is, if it’s somewhere bouncing through my skull, it goes on the paper.

I also stitch a bit everyday. Even if it is just for a few stitches, I stitch a bit. Still working on the Pi Shawl. I will probably be working on that Beastie for another year. My hands can only do so much.

Then comes the writing. I’m still writing every day. Even if it is a paragraph in my journal, I still write. One mega post coming up is the 25th edition of the step study I made for recovery. I found it in my laptop, and figure it would be best served here.

Lastly, I still am here for the Hubsy, the pooch, and myself. I admit, all of the above is what I do for my own selfish ends. It’s what I do to refill my soul so I can be there for my Hubble unit.

Then there are days like yesterday. I crawled into bed, and just crashed. I watched videos, and snored in between. I had to get up because the snitch told me that my diabetes was going ballistic again, but otherwise I was okay. The only other recharge thing I did was one late night sketch.

I have learned the feral joy of saying no. Saying, “I am at my limit” with one word. Continuing the conversation, is pointless. “NO” is a complete mood, and a complete life for me now. There’s nothing left to give. No just no f’s to give, there just is nothing to give anymore.

On the days when I am flat out, I have to just shut down. I have to do a complete self-care day. I curl up, and take it easy. If I don’t, when there are no spoons left, I’m sunk.

I don’t like being sunk.

Hugs my friend, please take care of you. Look for that step study post soon. –L

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