The last nerve

Why is it when I’m on my last nerve, somebody takes it as a challenge to do jumping jacks on it? I mean seriously, WHY?

Yesterday was another low blood sugar day, and I spent the evening trying to keep my sugars high enough that I stayed out of the Emergency Department. So, I didn’t get much rest last night. I ended up with a midnight snack of whole oats oatmeal.

Welp, this morning, a little more stressed than usual, I went a bit apeshit when I found out that my beloved Shuggie Lump had thrown the other half of that bowl of oatmeal out.

Growing up, I would have been and was beaten for wasting a crust of bread. Living with my Dad in recent years, had me get really creative with throwing moldy things away out of the fridge.

Yet, on first waking up, barely awake, I didn’t realize that I would be triggered so badly. I had no clue. So, we fought. Pre-coffee, pre-cigarette, first thing in the morning, we fought.

It wasn’t knock down drag out fight, it was I was tired, grumpy and confused, and the Hubsy was actually being sweet and doing the dishes.

And yet, I’m realizing that deprogramming my brain of all of the crap lessons learned as a child is hard. I did quite a bit of it when I came into recovery. I had to, or I would have ended up dead. IE, removed myself from the mortal coil. Yet, decades into recovery, I’m finding the programming just doesn’t work well.

And so, my last freaking nerve gets triggered. I was unfair to my beloved Shuggie Lump. I owe an amends. It was probably a quarter’s worth of oatmeal, sweetener, and milk. My Hubble’s feelings mean more to me than that.

Sighs, adulting is hard, ya know?

Hope you have a good day. Take care, be blessed. -L

Disclaimer: This is a pre-canned post. Hope you understand. Thank You.


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