Morning all, hugs, another sick day, and pre-written post for you.

In December, I was contacted my my nurse practitioner about the diabetes. We agreed that I would take more insulin, and test more often. Later that month, another nurse got ahold of me, and we started talking about a meter that automatically tests blood sugars.

It took almost 2 months, and today, I am wearing it. I am terrified. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed the fear building, and I asked one of the reps if this was really worth it. They said yes.

I haven’t been excited. I haven’t been relieved. You see, the first time I had to learn about diabetes, I was carrying the most important person in the universe just under my heart. I was maybe 6 months along, and I had to learn in a quick hurry not just what diabetes was, but how to be diabetic.

Then I had to learn about insulin. Then when I gave her up, I lost everything worth while in my life. I learned quick that the mentally ill have no rights whatsoever, and that even though I was showing signs of being diabetic again, I wasn’t allowed to treat the disease.

I gave up. Even in my eventual recovery, and then on in life. That lesson I learned, that the mentally ill don’t have any rights stuck. We have no rights, at all. Not to pain relief, not to surguries that would keep us in the work force, not to a life worth living.

Now, even with decades of recovery, it’s hard. It’s hard to unlearn those lessons. It’s hard to fight back against the voices of abusers of the past. It’s hard to stick to my guns.

The last few days, more strangers, perhaps with the grace of God, have helped me. They have helped me to realixe that I have the right to be healthy. So, today, when I wear a device designed to save my life, I’m still sitting with a heart rate of a billion miles an hour, but I know I will be okay. It’s just a matter of time. And even on a pain day., it’s going to be alright.

Hugs, may God be with you today and always. -L