Why I carry a knife, and other stories

Morning, the funk has decended upon us. Please shoot at will. Just kidding, kinda. Anyways, Having 3 types of liquids handy at all times is adorable, and good for the city’s utility company. They make lots of money when I get sick. I end up flushing twice as much as normal.

If you can’t take a little potty humor, why are you reading My blog? I’m confused.

Okay, so now you know I’m in the midst of snark. You have been warned.

I have a buddy who I talk to almost daily. Been Buds for many years. He’s a good egg, and his wife is I swear an angel. Her halo is much prettier than anyone elses. Anyways, he calls me up one day, and I told him the truth. I was sharpening my knives.

“Um, why do you have knives?” he asked. I chuckled. I said, I’ve always carried a knife, and if I had one, I usually had two. Since I don’t leave the house, they are usually in my desk drawer.

“What do you use them for?” he asked a second question. I must have had a funny look on my face. I said, “Everything from opening envelopes to cutting yarn, to cutting open everything….” I guess that satisfied him. I talked to my sponsor about it that night, and she laughed. “You should tell him I always carry 4. I’m a good girl scout, always prepared.” We laughed and laughed.

Carrying a knife, even a pocket knife is not something that is special or unique. I have tons of those little yarn cutting scissors, but can I ever find one of them? Nope, a pocket knife sits in the pocket, is the right weight, and always handy.

Just like my multi-tool. I love to have it with me, and the times I’ve used it made it make sense more and more often. Wheelchair repair, quick and dirty. Screwing in something, prying off something, opening those millions of packages in that horrible plastic crap, multi tool for the win.

Headscarf instead of a comb or brush. Okay, when I am out and about, usually I wear the dratted hair braided. However, when one of the rubber bands runs for the hills, or commits suicide, it’s just easier to whack a headscarf over the stuff, and ignore it. I have places to go, and people to bug. Okay, the truth, most of the time I wear my hair up in a hair scarf or head band anyways. I just can’t be bothered to restraighten it 45 damned times per day.

Why don’t you cut it short? Yeah, no dog, that costs too much. The rare times I need to cut it, I buzz it all off, and start over from scratch with virgin undyed hair.

I think with that, I probably have shocked you enough. Yes, I go bald every few years, the crap grows back. It always does, and if it doesn’t? It’s only hair. I hope you have a good day. Take care, hugs, -L


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