Hello all, had a bit of a 24 hour under the weather spell, but am back in the saddle again. I have slept almost 20 of the last 24 hours. This hearkens back over 20 years, but I’m going to be okay.
I plan to take a short nap after a bit. I’m still bone wrenching tired, but will be okay. I figure that if I type this enough, it will be true, right? I’m going to be okay.
This was a weird week. I attended parts of 2 meetings, and ended up missing tonight’s meeting. I am a firm believer that I should not be in a phone call and a zoom meeting at the same time. So, I missed most of 2 meetings.
Who will I miss a meeting for? Immediate family and or my sponsor. That said, it doesn’t happen every day, but I will survive. Again, I haven’t left the house since the 27th of February, prior to that, was the 18th of February. And prior to that, was January 29th.
This was not to limit exposure, but because of the panic attacks I get when the thought of leaving the house comes up. With chronic pain, even going to the store to pick up groceries causes infernal levels of pain.
For the most part, I tell people part of the truth, that I have no immune system, or that my immune system is tanked. However, even sitting in a car for half an hour causes a direct going to bed, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
I’ve even installed a bedside commode just 3 feet from the foot of the bed, and have copious amounts of hand sanitizer for those occasions. Pain is an evil demon, and in this case, being possessed by that particular demon sucks ass.
So, what does this have to do with missing meetings or the Pi Shawl in progress?
Thought you would never ask. Attending meetings physically is over for me, unless someone invents a way I can transfer to a new body. Since my addiction prevents me from getting any pain meds other than tylenol or aleve, this is life. There are “good pain days” of course. On those days, I can sit and happily go out and about for a little bit.
Then there are the other days, when I can do my best to sit and knit. So, that’s what I do. I sits and I knits. The Pi Shawl is secretly emerging into a Pi Blanket. We will not discuss the amounts of yarn involved, or the time. Yet, this soothing activity, relaxing and comforting has become a mission of not convenience, but something that is saving my sanity.
I don’t contribute much to society right now. My “job” as secretary for a non-profit is taking a back seat to the shawl. It’s how I take time away from recovery work, how I take time away from every day life. It’s how I get time alone. Much needed time alone.
Wait, in the middle of a pandemic, I need time alone? Yes indeed.
With neither Tim or I leaving the house much at all. Only twice in February, if you recall, and not yet in the month of March… I need time away from my husband, and he needs time away from me.
We don’t sit and play cards, we don’t have coffee together. We do have 2 completely separate lives, with rare interaction. Yet being able to get into the knitting with an audiobook running in the background is perfect.
This sanity saving knitting, gives me time to dream, to think, and to do. I am grateful. The days don’t run together nearly as much, because the progress in the knit make those days unique.
That said, I’m on skeing 3 of 12 to 16. It all depends on whether or not I can acquire the much wanted shades of orange and reds. If I can’t, it will reflect the daylight hours without sunrise/sunset. Running from shades of blues to purples and greys, this reflects both summer and winter days.
During storms, the sky can go from the deepest violent purple to almost black outside. During beautiful days, the sky can go from almost white to the loveliest teals. That is the inspiration for this project. I call it an almost blanket now, simply because I will knit until the knitting is done. With one skein adding about 3 inches to the radius of the shawl at this point, I have the ability to reflect on more colors of the sky.
Huge hugs everyone, I’m going to get back to my knitting. Thank you for reading. -L