Stuck at home


Hello all,

It has been a very quiet few days at home. I’ve been here since Tuesday night, relaxing and hoping for some peace and quiet.

I haven’t spent much time on the patio this week. I’m not sure why. It’s most unsettling, not having a normal routine anymore. Duke misses being out there. I’m thinking that together, we can sit in a little bit. The main problem? I’ve run the batteries down on most of the electronics. When we sit together, we don’t bark so much.

Duke is napping, he was out for a bit, but since it is after 9 at night, I just can’t let him stay out. He barks at people who visit the football field. I admit, some of them egg the boy on.

I’ve hit 4 meetings this week. 2 for either fellowship. Tonight, I stayed home. The IBS made leaving the area of the house just not worth the effort. I’d have to bring a change of clothes to even attempt it.

I’ve been away from social media for awhile as well. I haven’t been posting as much to facebook or reddit except for jokes and whatnot. I’m just not feeling the urge.

I’ve been working on the budget. Since I no longer live in South Dakota, I’m not going to be keeping up the Costco membership. I don’t see heading over there for anything except medical purposes. Going over to shop? A waste of time and money.

Other than that, I’ve been working on cleaning the bedroom and office still. The kids cleaning tools really do work. The only problem, I don’t have a decent mop yet.

Other things I’ve been doing to make life simpler, I have a medication minder now. I set up my medications once per week. This lets me know that if I forget, I can see that I haven’t taken them. It also lets me know that I have done so.

I’ve noticed that I’m much more forgetful than I used to be. I can’t remember certain things anymore, even when I’ve just done them. Writing in my journal, bullet journal style certainly does help. The problem? Remembering to journal at times. There are days that I sit down at the desk, and the next thing I notice, is that it’s time to go to bed.

The forgetfulness is driving me nuts. That’s a short trip, I know.

On the recovery front, many of my character defects have taken their toll on my serenity and my sanity.

I don’t want to be the joking and snarky bitch that I’ve been for decades anymore. I just want a quiet life. I don’t want the hubbub, I just want quiet. Being a snarky bitch is really getting in the way. There are times that those who have been not so close to me, don’t understand that I really hate being this way.

The snarkiness and smartass remarks are making the depression worse. I just most days fight the depression more than anything else. Wanting to change for the better, having a quiet life, and not succeeding because I am expected to think, act and live a certain way really sucks.

Another way my character defects have destroyed my life lately is that they have hurt my husband. He expects me to blow up and have a short fuse. That hurts more than the expectations of others that I be a snarky bitch.

I don’t know what to do, other than to keep writing, and keep praying.

That’s all for now.

-L

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