I just can’t.


Morning all, Duke and I are settled into the office. I’m relaxed with a decaf iced coffee this morning. Decaf? Okay heartburn.

So you know. Last night I did a little Malicious Defiance. I have made a break with some of the unhealthy ideas and people in my world. I am definitely okay with that. My trigger was a message and a phone call.

When my phone rang, my heart sank into the floor. I was in pain, real and emotional. I didn’t take the call, and I decided enough was enough. Through family obligation, I had been working too hard and too long for people that took advantage of me. Well, in April, on the 1st, that obligation ended itself.

The answer, now is no. The Big Book says that we don’t crawl before anyone. I’m taking that to heart. I no longer will crawl back for anything anymore. I don’t need approval, and I certainly don’t need to spend hundreds of hours doing computer work and other things for people who just don’t get it.

The other change I made last night, was that I blocked a few people on social media and on my phone. I don’t need flying monkeys telling me to make amends to people who just want to use me. I don’t need them contacting me for things that I don”t have any business dealing with. I don’t have to be a house elf anymore.

On the knitting front, I’m doing a leftovers shawl. It’s bits and bobs of leftover yarn. There are stripes, and lines here and there. It’s just a standard triangle shawl. It’s also a shawl that I can knit in meetings. I use my swift and winder to make yarn cakes that are small enough to fit in my shoulder bag. I love knitting in meetings. I don’t need to use a fidget spinner there.

Knitting is the ultimate fidget spinner.

I suppose I better get rolling here. I have to work on some homework before a sponsee gets here. It’s okay to be me today. I’m happy, comfortable, and content.

Hugs not drugs,

-L

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