Valentines came on the farm and now I am in Minnesota. I woke up this morning with 3 males in bed with me. That is just plain odd. I don’t sleep with the hounds anymore on the farm. However, you know, life goes on.
This morning’s coffee is a weak blend of decaf instant, hazelnut creamer, and artificial sweetener. It’s the little things that count. Those of you who knew me in my scrubs wearing days remember that I used to go for the stronger the better. I would have called you insane if you told me that I would prefer weaker coffee than that. I would have laughed and turned away.
My tums bottle is running low, better add more to the grocery list.
I have been hitting the meetings while in town. It’s a very good thing. I have been to a total of four meetings this year. That unacceptable, and I just can not continue to live this way. I had always lived a sobriety comes first life. I let life get in the way of sobriety. There were quite a few black or dark days in the last month.
That is not good eats.
When I get to the point that I am writing, “Find a reason to live” in my bullet journal over and over, I know I have taken it just a bit too far.
So, what has to happen?
Change.
To give hope for the future, I worked on my life’s plans. I have decided that after Dad’s life runs its natural course, I will return to the land of twenty zillion mosquitos and town life. While I love the farm and all it entails, farm life, in the long run just isn’t for me.
Oh, I will return to the state of my birth every month for family time and grocery shopping etc… but I just cannot see getting a tiny apartment somewhere and spending my end days listening to the neighbors argue.
What about my gun and reciprocity? I will take the official certified courses in order to satisfy the governments of both states. It’s that simple.
It sounds like I have solved all of it in one go.
Actually, I haven’t. I still have to hit the steps pretty hard, both physical and recovery wise. I still have to attend meetings. I still have to live the program. I still have to survive.
This winter, I haven’t thrived. I have stagnated. I can tell the difference.
So, without further ado, I better get my arse in gear and get my morning step work done. Huge huggage. Take care, L
AnonymousKnitter 