20152906 Evening Edition


I’m at the point, that I am sure that my body is out to get me. I’m tucked into bed, and am waiting for sleep to hit. It’s been one of those days.
Supper for me was a simple cheese sandwich. I couldn’t eat much more. I’m learning to just wait and scream later when the pain hits.
I didn’t get much done at all today. The trip to town was the big part of it, and I did get the chickens and the rabbits fed and watered. I guess that’s about it.
Pain level is currently holy crap.
Why don’t I take a pain pill? That’s easy to answer. Most prescription medications have side effects. Prescription pain meds screw with my brain. First, I don’t like the sedative side effect. Believe me, the pain is actually better in my book than messing with my brain. Second, once I take the pain medication, then I crave it. It’s how my brain is made. I can’t undo it, I can’t change it, and I don’t want to wake that sleeping dragon.
Here’s what happens inside my head. “I really hurt, I just took one, but it’s been 15 minutes, and it’s not working yet… I need another.” Then my brain looks for every excuse to get another pill. Another thing can happen in my head, I can’t control my moods and emotions when I take the pills. It’s like my internal editor and regulator gets shut off.
It’s like this. (Do not try this at home.) Take a pressure cooker. Fill it half full of water. Clamp on the lid. Put it on the stove, on high, and walk away.
In this analogy, the stove is the pills. I’m the pressure cooker. Keep me away from the stove, and I’m fine most of the time. However, the longer I’m on the stove, or the pills, the harder the crap I normally control tries to get out. Keep me on the pills/stove long enough, and boom. Total destruction. Believe me, I’ve been there often enough, under Dr supervision no less, and boom! It always happens.
There is no “Getting away with it.”
Want the process to work even faster? Just add alcohol. Takes about 5 minutes instead of the longer time frame established by the pills.
Long story short, I get medically supervised for pain medication.
Otherwise, I take Tylenol, rarely. I just deal with the pain the way I always do. I ask God for help.
This doesn’t make me a martyr, it just makes me a woman who absolutely does not drink/drug ever.
That’s all for now, I’ve got to get to sleep. I’ll be back in the morning with another edition.
Have a good night,
Louise Ann Benjamin

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