My mega cuppa coffee is next to me. One of my favorite Authors is playing on an audio book. Dad is listening to his music, and I’m not sure I’m alert or oriented quite yet.
I have some work to do today, but I want to take the day off. Yet, I can’t. The critters need food and water. I am responsible for their care.
I want a clean house, so I’m responsible to clean it.
I want fresh homemade bread. I’m responsible to make it.
I want clean clothing, and I want Dad to look good. I’m responsible to wash them.
I want to be clean and fresh. I’m responsible to take a shower and brush my teeth.
I want the yard to look nice. I’m responsible to clear and debris, plant the flowers, and the trees.
I want my family to come and visit. I’m responsible to keep our home cozy and comfortable.
So, I really don’t want to take the day off after all. I just needed to re-align my priorities.
It’s easy to “fall off the beam” with priorities. So, I needed a re-focus.
Each morning, I pray to God, showing gratitude for my day, for my life, I turn my will and my life over, and I ask God to take my pain from me. I then live as if God has done just that, taken over my will and my life, and has removed my pain.
The pain is always there, but it belongs to God now. It doesn’t bother me near as much anymore. Maybe it’s my attitude towards the pain has changed.
I have days where I regress, and don’t do my morning prayer. Those days, the pain is back with a vengeance. I suffer those days more than any other.
My hands are still swollen, I still have arthritis and fibro. I still have diabetes. I still have a high blood pressure and cholesterol. However, my God is taking care of me, taking the brunt of the pain for me, so I can do His work.
You see, I have a Vocation for the Lord. I’m a caregiver. I don’t do it perfectly, I may never do that. However, my Vocation is currently to be a daughter, a housekeeper, and to take care of the critters.
I have a purpose, and a Mission. I enjoy it. I thrive here.
So, that’s what I’m going to be doing.
I need to add this though. Even though I am married, I did not include my marriage in my Vocation. The reason is, my Husband and I are working on our priorities. We are looking at our Marriage. We are making the time to decide if we are truly Married, or heading for other things.
What does that mean to my Catholic Faith? At this time, I do not know. I am not walking away from my Vocation of Wife lightly. However, I’m not the only one making this decision. My Husband and I are looking at what it is to be married. We cannot, at this time, be living together.
We have been separated for the better part of 3 years now. I write about this because it’s what I do, I write. I’m not airing our “Dirty Laundry” here on the blog for the world to see. I’m just stating fact.
We may never Divorce. However, before we take any steps, we are taking the time to focus, to Pray, to ask God for Direction and Guidance.
So, I ask God each day to enter into my whole life, including my Marriage. I ask God to take over our life, to guide us in our day, and to show us how to live.
My time with God is so important, and each day I find that the more I rely on the Lord, the more I need the Lord… Even more so than the cup of coffee next to me. Who made the coffee plant? God.
I’m just grateful each day for the Blessing of Life.
Now, I’ve got to get back to work.
Have a great day,
Louise Ann Benjamin